BCI NET/BCI NET Dec 94.iso/archives/applications/databases/mdb3_0a_data1.lha/quotes.list

Text File | 1994-10-02 | 185.1 KB | 5,731 lines

Subject: Memorable Quotes from Movies [DATABASE LIST]
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies,alt.cult-movies,rec.arts.sf.movies,alt.quotations,rec.answers,alt.answers,news.answers
Keywords: movies quotes database
Summary: This posting contains a list of memorable quotes from movies.
         Mostly funny quotes, but also quotes that are memorable for
         some other reason.  It is used in Colin Needham's rec.arts.movies
         movie database, and also Cardiff's Movie Database Browser.  More
         info: rtfm.mit.edu:/usenet/news.answers/movies/movie-database-faq
Reply-To: [e-mail] (Quotes List Filter)
Followup-To: rec.arts.movies
Approved: [e-mail]
Expires: 01 Nov 1994
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
Supersedes: <[e-mail]>
Organization: Trondheim College of Engineering
References: <[e-mail]>

Archive-name: movies/quotes/part1
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: 10/01/94
Version: 1.09

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

                          This is the QUOTES LIST
                      (Memorable Quotes from Movies)

        Maintained by: Lars Joergen Aas <[e-mail]>

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEWS:
*) This list will also contain poetry from now on.  The poetry will of course
   not be formatted 76 characters wide, indented by two spaces on the left,
   like the ordinary quotes.

FACTS & FIGURES:
*) This list is supported by the Col Needham's movie database v2.9 and
   upwards (current release: 3.0) and Cardiff's Movie Database Browser (WWW).
   The latter includes hypertext links which isn't easy to implement in
   ASCII-files ;)
*) This list has now quotes and poetry from 361 different movies.
*) It contains 764 individual quotes involving at least 630 different actors.

New titles:        "I, Claudius"
            African Queen, The
            Ask a Policeman
            Cliffhanger
            Deep Red (1994)
            Eve and the Handyman
            Good Morning...and Goodbye!
            Major League
            Manhattan
            Maverick
            Necromania
            Oh, Mr Porter!
            Paint Your Wagon
            Stakeout

CONTRIBUTIONS and CORRECTIONS to this list is welcomed at [e-mail]
with the subject "ADD" and the keyword "QUOTE" above all individual quotes.
To find out how to use the email-server use the subject "HELP" instead.

* Include which movie the quotes are taken from.  I would appreciate if the
  movie title is consistent with the movie database, including the optional
  year of release.  Avoid AKA-titles.
* Write in a script-like way (see the list below) and include both the actors'
  real names and the character names.  Both is needed to create hypertext
  links on the WWW browser at Cardiff.  You should at least include one of
  the names.
* Keep narration brief, but do narrate if necessary.
* Don't submit any quote.  Please try to avoid spoilers, and only submit
  quotes which have a certain point to them.  It doesn't need to be a funny
  quote (but they most often will be), but it should be memorable (like Roy's
  last words in `Blade Runner').
* Keep the QUALITY UP and the QUANTITY DOWN.
* The quotes should be correct.  Correct spelling and written _exactly_ as
  it's said in the movie.  When this is not the case, I'm not necessarily the
  one to blame, but I am the one you should notify.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rec.arts.movies database consists of the following lists:

 List                 | Maintained by                              | Updated
 ---------------------|--------------------------------------------|----------
 Actors               | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 09/30/94
 Actresses            | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 09/30/94
 Alternative Titles   | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 09/16/94
 Biographies          | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>        | 09/30/94
 Character Names      | Steve Hammond <[e-mail]>      | 09/16/94
 Cinematographers     | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 09/16/94
 Composers            | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 09/16/94
 Costume Designers    | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 09/16/94
 Crazy Credits        | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>        | 09/23/94
 Directors            | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 09/30/94
 Editors              | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 09/30/94
 Goofs                | Michael Gaines <[e-mail]>         | 09/02/94
 Movies               | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 09/16/94
 Plot Summaries       | Colin Tinto <[e-mail]>          | 09/30/94
 Producers            | Andre Bernhardt <[e-mail]> | 07/29/94
 Production Designers | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 09/16/94
 Quotes               | Lars J Aas <[e-mail]>     | 09/16/94
 Ratings              | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 09/30/94
 Running Times        | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>        | 09/30/94
 Soundtracks          | Ron Higgins <[e-mail]>     | 09/16/94
 Trivia               | Murray Chapman <[e-mail]>        | 09/23/94
 Writers              | Jon Reeves <[e-mail]>            | 08/26/94
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lists are available via anonymous FTP from:

  cathouse.org  in  pub/cathouse/movies/database

  ftp.funet.fi  in  pub/culture/tv+film/lists


SEARCHING THE DATABASE
======================

The movie database frequently asked questions list contains more information
on the whole movie database project. For a copy send an e-mail message with
the subject "HELP FAQ" to <[e-mail]>. Here is a summary of the
ways to access the database:

(1) e-mail interface

    For details send a message with the subject HELP to <[e-mail]>

(2) WWW interface

    The database is available via the World Wide Web. Access is via a
    "browser". The two main WWW browsers are Mosaic and Lynx...

    Mosaic (X windows, MS-Windows, Mac, Amiga) ftp.ncsa.uiuc.edu  /Web
    lynx   (vt100)                             ftp.wustl.edu /packages/www/lynx

    From your browser, OPEN or GO to the any of the following documents:

      http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/        (European users prefered)
      http://www.msstate.edu/Movies/        (USA/rest of world prefered)
      http://ballet.cit.gu.edu.au/Movies/   (Australian users *only*)

    See the comp.infosystems.www FAQ for more information on the WWW.

(3) local installation (Unix/Amiga)

    The movie database package enables you to install the data locally and
    provides a variety of search tools. It is available via anonymous FTP:

     cathouse.org  in  /pub/cathouse/movies/database/tools/moviedb-3.0.tar.Z

     ftp.funet.fi  in  /pub/culture/tv+film/lists/tools/moviedb-3.0.tar.gz

    see the README file in the same directories for more information. The Amiga
    version is in the file mdb_Amiga_3.0.lha.

(4) local installation (MS-DOS)

    The CineBASE program provides an MS-DOS interface to the database and is
    also available via anonymous FTP:

     cathouse.org  in  /pub/cathouse/movies/database/tools/cb141.arj

     ftp.funet.fi  in  /pub/culture/tv+film/lists/tools/msdos/cb141.arj

    (note: preloaded database files for CineBASE are available from the
      ftp.funet.fi site in the same directory as the program archive)

(5) telnet access via WWW

    There are several telnet'able WWW servers. Here are some examples;

     telnet info.cern.ch
        then type    go http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/
     telnet www.njit.edu          (login: www)
        then type    g http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/
     telnet ukanaix.cc.ukans.edu  (login: www)  needs vt100
        then look under "by Subject" then "Movies"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

QUOTES LIST
===========


# "I, Claudius"

[While examining the vomit of someone she just poisoned]
Livia:  Green?  I've never seen green before.


# 'burbs, The

[Last line]
Ricky Butler:  God I love this street.


# 'Crocodile' Dundee

Richard Mason:  Take care now.
Sue Charlton:  Don't worry.  I'm a New York'er!

Neville Bell:  Oh no, you can't take my photograph.
Sue Charlton:  Oh, I'm sorry, you believe it will take your spirit away?
Neville Bell:  No, you got the lens-cap on.

Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee):  Me and God - we'd be mates!

Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee):  For a minute there, "room-service" took on a
  whole new meaning.


# 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Captain Nemo:  I wonder if you are familiar with utensils, Mr. Land?
Ned Land:  I'm indifferent to 'em.


# 2001: A Space Odyssey

[Famous line]
Dave Bowman:  Open the pod bay doors please HAL

HAL:  Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?

HAL:  I'm sorry Dave...  I can't do that.

[On Dave's return to the ship]
HAL:  Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this.

HAL: I know I've made some very poor decisions recently.

[HAL's shutdown]
HAL:  Dave, my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it...My mind is
  going...There is no question about it...I can feel it....I can feel it...
  I can feel it...I'm afraid...Good afternoon gentlemen, I am a HAL 9000
  computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. labs in Urbana Illinois on
  the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley and he taught me
  to sing a song.  If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you?
Dave Bowman:  Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL, sing it for me.
HAL:  It's called Daisy.  Daisy, Daisy give me your answer do, I'm half
  crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't
  afford a carraige, but you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle made
  for two.


# 2010

HAL-9000:  Dr. Chandra, will I dream?


# 3 Men and a Baby

Jack Holden:  Wo-ow, Angela.  You look different.  What happened?
Angelyne:  I'm dressed.


# 39 Steps, The (1935)

Richard Hannay:  I know what it is to feel lonely and helpless and to have
  the whole world against me, and those are things that no men or women
  ought to feel.

Richard Hannay:  There are 20 million women in this island and I get to be
  chained to you.


# 48 HRS.

[First lines]
Jack's Girl:  You know, if you let me come over to your place once in a
  while you could put on a clean shirt in the morning.
Jack Cates:  What makes you think I got any clean shirts in my place?

Reggie Hammond:  You said bullshit and experience is all it takes, right?
Jack Cates:  Right.
Reggie Hammond:  Come on in and experience some of my bullshit.

Reggie Hammond:  Jack...  Tell me a story.
Jack Cates:  Fuck you!
Reggie Hammond:  Oh, that's one of my favourites.


# Abyss, The

Bud Brigman:  He's acting alone.  He's cut off from his chain of command.
  He's exhibiting symptoms of pressure-induced psychosis, and he has a
  nuclear weapon.  So as a personal favour to me, would you lay off him?


# Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

[Ace Ventura is trying to get his car started, while looking at somebody
  smashing it with a bat in his mirror]
Ace Ventura:  Warning!  Assholes are closer than they appear!

[Ace Ventura just got his car started]
Ace Ventura:  It's ALIVE.  IT'S ALIVE!

[Ace Ventura is chewing on sunflower seeds, periodically emptying the shells
  on the desk]
Melissa:  Would you like an ash tray?
[Ace Ventura got seeds all over his teeth]
Ace Ventura:  No, I don't smoke.  Disgusting habit.

[This is probably a reference to _"The Love Boat"_ (qv)]
[Ace Ventura arrives at a posh party when a bald butler dressed in white
  answer the door]
Ace Ventura:  Hello, Captain Stubing!  Permission to come aboard?

Ace Ventura:  I just visited Ray Finkles place.
Melissa:  And?
Ace Ventura:  Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lector.

Ace Ventura:  If Lt. Einhorn is a woman, AS SHE CLAIMS TO BE...  Then she is
  suffering from the WORST case of hemmorhoids I have EVER seen!
[Ace Ventura turns Einhorn around to reveal a "tucked back" peace of male
  anatomy]
Ace Ventura:  Thank you!  Thank you!  I'll be preforming here all night, be
  sure to tip your waitress.


# Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The

Baron Munchausen:  Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm
  delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.


# Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, The

Doctor Emilio Lizardo/Lord John Whorfin:  Take her to the pit!  And this
  time use more honey; we must find out what she knows.

Buckaroo Banzai:  But just remember, no matter where you go. there you are.

PA system at Yoyo Dyne factory:  There are monkey boys in the facility.

Buckaroo Banzai:  I was ionized this morning, but I'm okay now.


# Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The

Ford Fairlane:  Hey, look.  Write down my number:  555-6321  Got it?
Twin Club Girl:  Yeah.  Wait a minute!  555 is not a real number!  They only
  use that in the movies!
Ford Fairlane:  No shit, honey.  What do you think this is?  Real life?

Ford Fairlane:  You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in
  your life!

Ford Fairlane:  So many assholes...  So few bullets...

Lt. Amos:  You think you are so hot 'cos you get in all the clubs, heh?
  Just because you have sex with great looking women...
Ford Fairlane:  You got to admit those are pretty good reasons...

Ford Fairlane:  Some people play hard to get.  I play hard to want.

Ford Fairlane:  Johnny was the only guy who could out-disgust me.  When we
  were kids we had gross-out contests.  I coughed a pile of phlegm on a
  table, he said "Nice try!" and pulled out a straw...

Jazz:  Well, that weekend was a mistake!
Ford Fairlane:  Hey, look.  I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the
  bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?

Ford Fairlane:  How much?
Ticket Guy:  300.
Ford Fairlane:  300??  You charged the chicks one!
Ticket Guy:  Hey, they blew me.
Ford Fairlane:  Heh!  300 coming up!

Lt. Amos:  I can't believe anybody can have so much fucking fun in a
  funeral, Fairlane.

Lt. Amos:  See, that's the difference between a great investigator like me,
  and a piece of spam like you.
Ford Fairlane:  Spam?  You're a piece of spam.  That's what I think of you.
Lt. Amos:  No, I call you a piece of spam, 'cos that's what you are.
Ford Fairlane:  Spam!

[At the "sisters'" house, surrounded by all the semi-nude women]
Ford Fairlane:  hibb..  hibbdy..  Maybe I did die in the explosion, you
  know.

Don Cleveland to Julian Grendale:  With friends like you, who needs
  enemies?


# Adventures of Robin Hood, The

Sir Robin of Loxley to Prince John:  I'll organize a revolt, exact a death
  for a death, and I'll never rest until every Saxon in this shire can stand
  up free men and strike a blow for Richard and England...  From this night
  on I'll use every means in my power to fight you!

Lady Marian Fitzswalter:  Why, you speak treason!
Sir Robin of Loxley:  Fluently.


# African Queen, The

Captain:  I know pronounce you man and wife.  Proceed with the execution.


# Airplane II: The Sequel

Buck Murdock:  They're beeping and they're flashing.  They're flashing and
  they're beeping!  I cant stand it anymore, they're blinking and they're
  flashing.


# Airplane!

???:  Johnny, what do you make of this?
Johnny:  This?  I can make a hat, I can make a brooch, I can make a
  pterodactyl...

Doctor Rumack:  When are we going to be able to land?
Ted Striker:  I can't tell.
Doctor Rumack:  You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Ted Striker:  I don't know.
Doctor Rumack:  Well, can't you take a guess?
Ted Striker:  Not for another two hours.
Doctor Rumack:  You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Captain Oveur:  Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?

Doctor Rumack:  What did they have for dinner?
Elaine:  They had a choice: chicken or fish.
Doctor Rumack:  Ah, I remember, I had lasagna.


# Aladdin (1992)

The Genii:  Rug-man!  It's been a few millennia.  Slap me some tassel!


# Alien (1979)

[Kane starts choking in the scene where the Alien bursts from his chest]
Parker:  What's the matter man, the food ain't THAT bad?!

Ash:  You still don't know what you're dealing with do you?  Perfect
  organism.  Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility...
  I admire its purity, a survivor; unclouded by conscience, remorse or
  delusions of morality.

[Last line (also used in _Alien 3_ (qv))]
Ellen Ripley:  ..., Ash and Captain Dallas are dead.  Cargo and ship
  destroyed.  I should reach the frontier in about 6 weeks.  With a little
  luck, the network will pick me up.  This is Ripley - last survivor of The
  Nostromo - signing off.


# Alien 3

[Ellen Ripley is looking for the Alien]
Ellen Ripley:  Don't be afraid, I'm part of the family.

[Last line (like in _Alien (1979)_ (qv))]
Ellen Ripley:  ..., Ash and Captain Dallas are dead.  Cargo and ship
  destroyed.  I should reach the frontier in about 6 weeks.  With a little
  luck, the network will pick me up.  This is Ripley - last survivor of The
  Nostromo - signing off.


# Aliens

Private Hudson:  Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Private Vasquez:  No, have you?

[When they are dropped over LV-426]
Private Hudson:  We're on the express elevator to hell - going down.

Bishop:  I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid.

[Lieutenant Gorman orders the troops to disarm all their weapons before the
  first alien encounter]
Private Frost:  What the hell are we supposed to use man?  Harsh language?

Private Hudson:  Yeah, but it's a dry heat!

Private Hudson:  In case you haven't been paying attention to current
  events, we just got our asses kicked, pal!

Private Hudson:  Let's just bug out and call it even, OK?
Ellen Ripley:  I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
  That's the only way to be sure.
Private Hudson:  Fuckin' A...
Burke:  Ho-ho-hold on one second.  This installation has a substantial
  dollar-value attached to it.
Ellen Ripley:  They can *bill* me.

[The drop-ship crashes]
Private Hudson:  Well that's great, that's just fuckin' great man, now what
  the fuck are we supposed to do?  We're in some real pretty shit now man...
  That's it man, game over man, game over!  What the fuck are we gonna do
  now?  What are we gonna do?

Private Hudson:  Dear Lord Jesus, this can't be happenin' man, this isn't
  happenin...

Ellen Ripley:  Hudson!  This little girl survived longer than that with no
  weapons and no training.  Right?
Private Hudson:  So why don't you put her in charge?

Bishop:  I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Private Hudson:  Well that's a switch.


# All of Me (1984)

Roger Cobb:  You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?

Edwina Cutwater:  Guess what I'm going to do?
Roger Cobb:  What?
Edwina Cutwater:  I'm going to come back from the dead.
Roger Cobb:  Aaahhhh.  And what makes you think you can do that?
Edwina Cutwater:  Because I'm rich...

Burton Schyuler:  Are you strong enough to continue?
Edwina Cutwater:  What?  Oh, I'm fine.  Really.  I'm fine.  Tell them!
Dr. Betty Ahrens:  She could drop dead any minute...
Edwina Cutwater:  Don't mind her.  She is only trying to make me feel good.

Edwina Cutwater:  I can't believe this.  I can't even die right!

Peggy Schyuler:  Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through!
Roger Cobb:  If I don't, your father will have my balls.
Peggy Schyuler:  Then it's either me or your balls.  You can't have both!

Roger Cobb:  Women, eh?  Can't live with them.  Can't live without them.

Roger Cobb to Edwina Cutwater:  You know, it's just like a dead person to
  say something like that!

Tyrone Wattell:  Roger, exactly how do you plan pulling this off?
Roger Cobb:  Beats the heck out of me.
Tyrone Wattell:  Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse
  trouble than I thought.

Prahka Lasa:  Backinbowl. Backinbowl.

Terry Hoskins:  I love it when you talk like a beer commercial.


# American Werewolf in London, An

David Kessler:  How could there have been witnesses, it was so dark.  We
  were running and I fell and Jack went to help me up and this thing came
  from nowhere.  I don't know what they're talking about.

Jack Goodman:  Stick to the Road.
David Kessler:  Beware of the Moors...
Jack Goodman:  Ooops.


# Angelfist

Victor Winslow:  This is Manila.  We do things differently here.


# Animal Crackers

Captain Jeffrey Spaulding:  One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
  How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

Captain Jeffrey Spaulding:  You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way.


# Another Stakeout

[Bill Reimers and Chris Lecce call to Archie (a dog) who is chasing a
  neighbour's cat - Archie takes no notice]
Bill Reimers:  Come back here!
Chris Lecce:  Oh Stick 'em Archie.  Eat the cat!

[Chris Lecce is angry with Gina Garrett's because of her interference in the
  stakeout]
Chris Lecce:  If this assignment gets blown.  I want to go on record right
  now, that this is the most stupid, dim witted, idiotic, moronic piece of
  putrefied garbage that I have ever in my entire professional carrier, ever
  had the displeasure of being involved with.

Gina Garrett:  Cover Me!  I'm taking a bath.

[Gina Garrett asks Bill Reimers to shave his moustache to look younger]
Bill Reimers:  I don't think you understand the relationship a man has with
  his facial hair.

Captain Coldshank:  Your cover is you're renting the judge's house for a
  month of vacation.
Chris Lecce:  As what? ... friends or lovers?


# Another You

Eddie Dash to the angry dog, Duane, that is stopping George from getting out
  of the car]
Eddie Dash:  Hey, Duane.  Give the man a break.  Come on!  Hey, I'll let you
  hump my leg.  Come on, baby.
[Duane takes off]

[Last line (after credits)]
George:  Don't ever call my friend a "shithead" again, OK?


# Apartment, The

Fran Kubelik:  When you're in love with a married man you shouldn't wear
  mascara.


# Apocalypse Now

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  I love the smell of napalm in the morning...
  Smells like victory.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  Some day this war's gonna end.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  Charlie don't surf!

Captain Benjamin L. Willard:  Saigon.  Still in Saigon.  Shit!


# Armed and Dangerous

[Frank Dooley is being driven at high speed to the scene of the crime by
  "The Cowboy", a truck driver with a load of rocket fuel]
The Cowboy:  Slim, I ain't never seen a handgun that big before.
Frank Dooley:  Yeah, it's a 50 calibre...  They used to use it to hunt
  buffalo with...  Up close!  It's only legal in two states...  This isn't
  one of them.

Tanning Salon Woman:  Gosh, I didn't realize it was going to be this formal.
  If I had known it was going to be this kind of party I would have worn
  underwear.

Maggie Cavanaugh:  Just remember, when you pull the trigger, the bullets
  come out going VERY VERY fast...  So make sure to keep the weapon pointing
  away from you.  Now that's about it.  You are now armed [slight pause]
  guards.  God help us all.


# Army of Darkness

Ash:  Shop smart, shop S-mart!

Ash about his shotgun:  This ... is my BOOM STICK!!!

Ash:  You ain't leading nothing but Jack and Shit.  And Jack just left
  town.

[The girl wants to apologize to Ash]
Ash:  First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me.  Blow.

Ash to the Witch:  Yo, she-bitch!  Let's go!

Ash:  Don't touch that please, you primitive intellect wouldn't understand
  things with alloys and compositions and things with ... molecular
  structures.

[Upon getting the powered glove in place of his right hand]
Ash:  Groovy.

[In a passionate moment of romance]
Ash:  Gimme some sugar, baby.

Ash:  Clatu Verata Nicto.
Wise man:  Again.
Ash:  Clatu Verata Nicto.
Wise man:  Again.
Ash:  Look, I know your damn words!

[After shooting Bad Ash]
Good Ash:  I ain't that good.

Ash:  Clatu Verata N... N... It's definitely an "N" word!

Village Resident:  Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash:  Nope.  Just me baby...  Just me.

[As undead Ash stands triumphant on catapult]
Ash:  Buckle up Bonehead.  'Cos you're goin' for a ride!

Demon Lady:  I'll swallow your soul!
Ash:  Come get some.

[Last line]
Ash:  Hail to the king, baby.


# Arthur

Arthur Bach:  I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.

[While Arthur Bach is taking a bath]
Arthur Bach:  God, Hobson, isn't life wonderful?
Hobson:  Yes it is, Arthur, do your armpits.
Arthur Bach:  A hot bath is Wonderful...  Girls are WONDERFUL!
Hobson:  Yes, imagine how wonderful a girl who bathes would be...  Get
  dressed.

Arthur Bach:  I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT!  I have
  weekends off, and I am my own boss.

Hobson:  Good afternoon.  If you and your undershirt will take two paces
  backwards, I could enter this dwelling.

[After Linda Marolla stole a necktie from a store]
Hobson:  Arthur, I see no reason for prolonging this conversation, unless
  you plan on knocking over a fruit-stand later this afternoon.
Hobson to Linda Marolla:  Good luck in prison.

[In Burt Johnson's den, looking at a moosehead mounted on the wall]
Arthur Bach:  Where is the rest of this moose?

Arthur Bach:  It's so small, they recently had the whole country carpeted.


# Baby Boom

doctor Jeff Cooper:  You know... you kind of remind me of a bullterrier of
  some kind.
J.C. Wiatt:  Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls.


# Back to the Future

Mr. Strickland:  You don't have a chance, you're too much like your old man.
  No McFly ever ammounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley!
Marty McFly:  Yeah, well, history is gonna change...

[Repeated line]
Marty McFly:  If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything...

Dave McFly kissing George McFly on the head:  See ya pap.  Oooow, time to
  change that oil!

Doctor Emmet Brown: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits
  eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit.

[In 1955, Tab and Pepsi Free aren't "invented" yet]
Lou:  You gonna order something, kid?
Marty McFly:  Ah, yeah...  Give me a Tab.
Lou:  Tab?  I can't give you a tab unless you order something!
Marty McFly:  Alright, give me a Pepsi Free.
Lou:  You want a Pepsi, PAL, you're gonna pay for it!

Goldie Wilson:  I'll be the most powerful man in Hill Valley, and I'm gonna
  clean up this town.
Lou handing him a broom:  Good, you can start by sweeping the floor.

[Lorraine's parents are talking about Marty McFly, Lorraine's future son]
Stella Baines:  He's a very strange young man.
Sam Baines:  He's an idiot.  Comes from upbringing.  His parents are
  probably idiots too.  Lorraine, if you ever have a kid that acts that way
  I'll disown you.

[Dr. Emmet Brown is doubting Marty McFly's story about that he is from the
  future]
Dr. Emmet Brown:  Then tell me, "future boy", who is president in the United
  States in 1985?

[Marty McFly comes to his school in 1955]
Marty McFly:  Wow, they really cleaned this place up.  It looks brand new!

Marty McFly:  Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother
  has got the hots for me?
Dr. Emmet Brown:  Precisely.
Marty McFly:  Wow, this is heavy...
Dr. Emmet Brown:  There's that word again; "heavy".  Why are things so heavy
  in the future?  Is there a problem with the earths gravitational pull?

[The correct phrase is "So why don't you make like a tree and leave"]
Biff Tannen:  So why don't you make like a tree and get outta here.

George McFly:  Lou!  Give me a milk... [dramatic pause] Chocolate!

[Instead of "My destiny has brought me to you"]
George McFly:  Lorraine, my density has popped me to you.

[Marty McFly arrives late for his take-off]
Dr. Emmet Brown:  You got no consept of time!

Dr. Emmet Brown:  Don't worry!  As long as you hit that wire with the
  connecting hook at precisely eighty-eight miles per hour the moment the
  lightning strikes the tower ... everything will be fine!


# Back to the Future Part II

[After having so much trouble with Jennifer Parker in 2015, Doc Emmet L.
  Brown decides to destroy the time machine as soon as they get back to
  1985]
Doc Emmet L. Brown:  The time-travelling is just too dangerous.  Better that
  I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe:
  ...women!


# Bananas

Fielding Mellish:  I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in
  braille.  I used to rub the dirty parts.


# Barbarian Queen

Amethea:  I'll be no man's slave and no man's whore, and if I can't kill
  them all, by the gods they'll know I've tried.


# Basic Instinct

Gus:  Did you ever do drugs with Mr. Boz?
Catherine Tramell:  Sure.
Gus:  What kind of drugs?
Catherine Tramell:  Cocaine.  Have you ever fucked on cocaine Nick?  It's
  nice.
[Catherine Tramell uncrosses her legs and it can be seen she's wearing no
  underwear]
Detective Nick Curran:  You like playing games don't you?
Catherine Tramell:  I have a degree in psychology, it goes with the turf...
  Games are fun.


# Batman (1989)

[Repeated line]
Jack Napier:  Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier:  Nice outfit!

[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker:  Oh, I got a live one here!

[Jack Napier looks through a pile of pictures and sees Vicki Vale for the
  first time]
Jack Napier:  Stop the press, who is that?


# Best Man, The

William Russell:  T.T. Claypoole has all the characteristics of a dog except
  loyalty.


# Better Off Dead (1985)

Lane Myer:  Gee, Johnny, I don't have a dime.
Johnny Gasparini:  Didn't ask for a dime, 2 dollars.

Lane Myer:  I'm sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.


# Beyond the Call of Duty

Lt. Sam Henderson:  Well, now it's you and me and the barrel.


# Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Rufus:  ...and very important, DO NOT do your homework without wearing
  headphones.  Repeat...

Evil Robot Ted:  Aim for the cat, dude!  Aim for a cat!

Evil Robot Ted:  I got a full-on robot Chubby

[Evil Robot Bill and Evil Robot Ted arrives at 1988]
Evil Robot Bill:  Not bad...
Evil Robot Ted:  Yeah.  Let's make it bad.

[Dead Bill S. Preston almost falls down when climbing around in Hell]
Dead Bill S. Preston:  Ted, you know, if I die, you can have my megadeth
  collection.
Dead Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Dude, we are already dead.
Dead Bill S. Preston:  Oh.  Well then they're yours, dude.

Heaven's Gatekeeper to the Grim Reaper:  Don't I know you?

Ted "Theodore" Logan to God:  Keep up the good work.

[Bill and Ted wakes up after having been dead a while.  Bill picks out a
  worm from his ear]
Bill S. Preston:  Dinner's over, wormdude.

The Grim Reaper to The Smoker:  See you real soon.

Bill S. Preston:  You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweeds!

Ted Logan:  Dude, how are we gonna get out of this?  We don't got any time!
Bill S. Preston:  Yeah we do, dude.  Look, after we get away from this guy,
  we use the booth.  We time travel back to before the concert and set up
  the things we need to get him now.

The Grim Reaper rapping:  You might be a king or a little street sweeper,
  but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.


# Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Excellent!

[Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan are working on their report]
Bill S. Preston:  OK, Ted...  George Washington...  1) The father of our
  country.
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  2) Born on Presidents Day.
Bill S. Preston:  3) The dollar-bill guy.

[Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan meet themselves]
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  OK wait.  If you guys are really us, what number are
  we thinking of?
Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  69 dudes!
Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Woah!
[Quadruple air guitar solo]

Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?
Bill S. Preston:  Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as
  bodacious as what just happened.  Besides, we told ourselves to listen to
  this guy...
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  What if we were lying?
Bill S. Preston:  Why would we lie to ourselves?

[Just before time-traveling for the first time]
Rufus mounting on his sunglasses:  Gentlemen...  We're history!

Bill S. Preston:  Socrates; "The only true wisdom consist of knowing you
  know nothing".
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  That's us, dude!

[Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan have met themselves again]
Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Bill S. Preston:  That conversation made more sense this time.

Police Psychiatrist:  I don't know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud:  Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
Police Psychiatrist:  Why do you keep asking me these questions?
Sigmund Freud:  Tell me about your mother.

[Repeated lines]
Abraham Lincoln:  Be excellent to eachother...  And party on, dudes!

[Last line (while Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan are "jamming")]
Rufus reassuringly to the camera:  They do get better.


# Billy Budd

Billy Budd:  Farewell to the Rights of Man!


# Billy Ze Kick

[The police are interrogating some witnesses]
Witness:  He looked very North-African and he had something oriental in his
  face; actually, he looked more like a Turk, like a Germanic Turk, with
  blue eyes...


# Birds, The

Cathy Brenner:  He's got a client who shot his wife in the head six times.
  Six times, can you imagine it?  I mean, even twice would be overdoing it,
  don't you think?


# Blade Runner

Deckard:  Sushi.  That's what my ex-wife calls me - Cold fish.

Sushi Master:  He say you are blade runner.
Deckard:  Tell him I'm eating.

Deckard:  I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being
  so charming.

Roy Batty:  Chew, if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes!

Roy Batty:  It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.

Leon:  Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!

Leon:  Wake up!  Time to die!

Rachael:  I'm not in the business...  I am the business...

Pris:  Must get lonely here, J.F.
J.F. Sebastian:  Not really.  I MAKE friends.  They're toys.  My friends are
  toys.  I make them.  It's a hobby.  I'm a genetic designer.

Tyrell:  The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you
  have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.

Roy:  I have done ... questionable things.

Roy Batty:  Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?  That's what it
  is, to be a slave.

Roy Batty:  I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.  Attack ships on
  fire off the shoulder of Orion.  I watched C-beams glitter in the dark
  near the Tannhauser gate.  All those moments will be lost in time, like
  tears in rain.  Time to die.

Gaff:  It's too bad she won't live!  But then again, who does?


# Blaze

Earl Long:  Would you still love me as much if I wasn't the fine governor of
  the great state of Louisiana?
Blaze Starr:  Would you still love *me* if I had little tits and worked in a
  fish house?


# Blazing Saddles

Gabby Johnson:  I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it,
  Iam gonna die here, an no  sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker
  croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

[The railway crew discover quicksand up ahead, and one of them offers to
  ride up ahead to check it out]
Taggart:  Fool!  We can't afford to lose no horses...  Send a couple o'
  niggers on a hand-cart.

[Taggart spots two workers on a hand-card sinking into quicksand]
Taggart:  Oh shit!  Quick!
[Lassos the hand-cart and drags it (but not the men) out of the quicksand]
Taggart:  Phew!  That was close!  Nearly lost a four hunner' dollar
  hand-cart!

Taggart:  Don't just stand there!  Take that shovel and put it to some good
  use!
[Bart grabs a shovel and advances on Taggart from behind]
Charlie:  Don't do it, buddy!
Taggart to his sidekick:  Now take a telegram to Mr Lamarr, and tell him I
  said  [gets hit on the head by the shovel]  ow!
Sidekick:  ...tell him I said "ow!".  Got it!

[The Governor is having trouble putting his pen back into its holder]
Hedley Lamarr:  Think of your secretary...
[The pen goes straight in]
Governor Lepetomane:  Thank you!  That's a good one!

Hedley Lamarr:  Give the Governor "harrumph"!
Startled Aide:  Harrumph!
Governor Lepetomane:  You watch your ass!

Taggart:  God dammit, Mr Lamarr sir, you use your tongue purdier than a
  twenny dollar whore!

[Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death]
Charlie:  They said you wuz hung!
Bart:  And they was right!

[Gabby Johnson (on the roof of the church) spots the new sheriff riding into
  town]
Gabby Johnson shouting:  The sherrif's a nigger!
[The last word is lost in the peal of a church bell]
Harriet Johnson:  What did he say?
Dr. Sam Johnson:  He said the sheriff's nearer!

[Dr. Sam Johnson (with laurel wreath in hand) greets Bart (the new sheriff),
  reading from a piece of paper, not realizing that Bart is black]
Dr. Sam Johnson:  As chairman of the welcoming comittee, it is my honor and
  priviledge to extend this Laurel and Hardy handshake to the town's new
  [finally looks up] ... nigger.

[Bart holds his gun to his own head]
Bart:  One move, and the nigger gets it!
Harriett Johnson:  Isn't someone going to help that poor man?
Dr. Sam Johnson:  Hush, Harriett!  That's sure to get him killed!
Bart:  Help me, help me!
[Bart maneuvers his hostage (himself) into an empty building]
Bart:  Oh baby, you are so talented.  And they are so dumb!

Bart:  You be my guest, and I be your host.  What be your pleasure, Jim?
Jim:  I don't know...  play chess...  screw....
Bart quickly:  Let's play chess!

[Describing how everyone wanted to duel him when he was The Waco Kid]
Jim:  One day I hear "draw!"  I turn around, and it's a six-year old kid.
  So I just walked away.  Little bastard shot me in the ass!

[Lili von Schtupp has lured Bart back to her room]
Lili von Schtupp:  Is it true how zey say zat you people are.... gifted?
[Lights go out, sound of zipper undoing]
Lili von Schtupp:  Oh!  It's twue!  It's twue!

[Lili Von Schtupp offers Bart a gigantic sausage]
Lili Von Schtupp:  Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart:  No, thank-you.  Twelve is my limit on schnitzengruben!
Lili von Schtupp:  Well how about a little [whispers in his ear]
Bart shocked:  Baby!  I'm not from Havana!

Jim to some Ku Klux Klansmen:  Looky what I got me here, boys!
Bart being held by Jim:  Hey!  Where's the white women at?

[Bart and Jim are wearing KKK outfits to infiltrate the enemy's lynch mob]
Jim spotting Bart's black hands:  How many times have I told you to wash
  your hands after burning them crosses?
[Taggart whips off Bart's hood]
Bart:  For my next impression, Jesse Owens!

[The lynch mob comes across a toll-booth in the middle of the desert]
Taggart:  Someone's gotta go back for a shit-load of dimes!

[Jim: The Waco Kid has just shot the guns out of the hands of a dozen
  henchmen]
Bart:  Don't just stand there clasping your hands in pain...  How about a
  round of appluase for The Waco Kid?

Adolf Hitler:  They lose me right after the bunker scene.

Buddy Bizarre:  Cut!  Cut!  Cut!
Taggart:  Fuck You!  I work for Mel Brooks!
[Shapes to punch Buddy Bizarre]
Buddy Bizarre:  Not the face!  Not the face!
[Taggart compiles, punching him in the stomach]
Buddy Bizarre collapsing:  Thank-you!


# Blind Fury

Crook:  God damn!  That thing's got more holes than my daddy's rubber.


# Blue Velvet

(Dennis Hopper):  Nobody fucks with me!
(Kyle McLachlan):  Oh - maybe if you find the right girl...


# Blues Brothers, The

[Jake Blues is released on parole and gets back all the things he wore when
  he was arrested]
Corrections Officer:  One timex digital watch - broken.  One unused
  prophylactic.  One soiled.

[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got
  after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]
Elwood Blues:  You don't like it?
Jake Blues:  No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open bridge]
Jake Blues:  Of course it got a lot of pickup...
Elwood Blues:  It got a cop motor, a 440 cubicinch plant, it got cop tires,
  cop suspensions, cop shocks.  It's a model made before catalytic
  converters so it'll run good on regular gas.   What do you say, is this
  the new bluesmobile or what?
[A brief thinking pause while Jake Blues lights a cigarette]
Jake Blues:  Fix the cigarette lighter.

Jake Blues to Sister Mary Stigmata:  5 grand?  No problem, we'll have it for
  you in the morning.  Let's go, Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata:  No, no, I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake Blues:  Well then...  I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of
  language]
Sister Mary Stigmata:  I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake Blues:  I offered to help you...  You refused to take out money.  Then
  I said; I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood Blues:  Christ Jake!  Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues:  Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood Blues:  Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues:  Shit!
[...]

Jake Blues:  You were outside, I was inside.  You were supposed to keep in
  touch with the band.  I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood Blues:  What was I gonna do?  Take away your only hope?  Take away
  the very hing that kept you going in there?  I took the liberty of
  bullshitting you.

[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up
  behind them.  The words are said in the same rythm as a blues song
  ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo]
Elwood Blues:  Shit!
Jake Blues:  What?
Elwood Blues:  Rollers...
Jake Blues:  No!
Elwood Blues:  Yeah.
Jake Blues:  Shit!

Jake Blues:  First you trade the caddilac for a microphone.  Then you lie to
  me about the band.  Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood Blues:  They're not gonna catch us.  We're on a mission from God!

[While they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on
  their tail]
Elwood Blues:  Baby clothes...
Jake Blues:  This place has got everything.

[Repeated line]
Elwood Blues:  We're on a mission from God.

Murph:  Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray:  Ah, you have a good eye, my man.  That's the best in the city
  Chicago.
Jake Blues:  How much?
Ray:  2000 bucks and it's yours.  You can take it home with you.  As a
  matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Elwood Blues:  What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire:  Oh, we got both kinds.  We got country *and* western.

Jake Blues:  Book us for tomorrow night.
Maury Sline:  Hold it, hold it.  "Tomorrow night", what are you talking
  about.  A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.
Elwood Blues:  I know all about that stuff.  I have been exploited all my
  life.

Burton Mercer:  Who wants an orange whip?  Orange whip?  Orange whip?  Three
  orange whips!

Elwood Blues:  It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas,
  half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues:  Hit it!


# Body Heat

[First Line]
Ned Racine:  My history is burning up out there.

[Pick-Up Line]
Matty Walker:  You're not very bright, are you?  I like that in a man.


# Bram Stoker's Dracula

Vlad Dracula:  ... and I never drink ... wine.

Vlad Dracula to Jonathan Harker:  They say you are a man of good ... taste.

Vlad Dracula about the wolves that are howling:  Liten to them - the
  children of the night.  What sweet music they make.

Lord Arthur Holmwood:  Last week he wanted to marry her.  Now he wants to
  have her commited.

Vlad Dracula:  I have crossed oceans of time to find you.

Doctor Jack Seward:  You want to autopsy Lucy?
Van Helsing:  No no no, not exactly.  I just want to cut of her head and
  take out her heart.


# Breakfast Club, The

John Bender:  But face it.  You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you
  be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?


# Bride of Re-Animator

Herbert West:  I don't consider science *morbid*.

Dr. Graves:  Really, Lieutenant.  Who'd want to steal body parts?


# Brighton Beach Memoirs

[Eugene is explaining his intense desire to play for the Yankees]
Eugene:  I'll never make it with the Yankes.  All the great Yankees are
  Italian.  My mother makes spaghetti with ketchup - what chance do I have?


# Broadcast News

Albert Brooks:  Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went
  that time.


# Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Coach:  OK people, they are psyching you out.  Let's not be so defensive out
  there, OK?  Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me;  I am a
  person, I have the right to the ball.

[The Coach is having the last pep-talk with his team, pointing at a piece of
  paper with an infinity-sign, some male / female symbols and the eye inside
  the pyramid]
Coach:  ...therefore, if we all work together, together we'll work out.  Are
  you with me?  Get out there!  All right!  Score some..  eh..  points!
  Hey, you missed practice again today!  I think you better sit down and
  think about how that made me feel...

[After getting his whole arm cut of]
Amilyn:  You ruined my jacket!  Kill him A LOT!

Pike:  Look!  Air!


# Bull Durham

[Crash Davies starts to walk out on Annie because he says he doesn't believe
  in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart]
Annie:  Well, what *do* you believe in?
"Crash" Davis:  Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small
  of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fibre, good Scotch, that
  the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap.  I believe
  Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe there ought to be a
  constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturft in the designated hitter, I
  believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents
  Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long slow
  deep soft wet kisses that last three days.  Good night.
[He laughs and walks out]
Annie:  Oh my.


# Bullseye! (1991)

[Lipton knocks his door and the entire front of the house collapses around
  him; the hole where the door was saves him from certain death.  He wanders
  away dazed.  Willie pulls up in her car]
Willie:  What's wrong?
Lipton:  I come from a broken home.


# Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Butch Cassidy:  I have vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.

Butch Cassidy:  If he'd just pay me what he's paying them to stop me robbing
  him, I'd stop robbing him!

[Last lines]
Butch Cassidy:  Wait a minute - you didn't see LaForce out there did you?
The Sundance Kid:  LaForce?  No, why?
Butch Cassidy:  Thank God for that.  For a moment there I thought we were in
  trouble.

Butch Cassidy:  Then you jump first.
The Sundance Kid:  No, I said.
Butch Cassidy:  What's the matter with you.
The Sundance Kid:  I can't swim.
Butch Cassidy:  Why you crazy, the fall will probably kill you.


# By Dawn's Early Light (TV)

[Alice has just refused an order from the acting president]
Sam:  They'll shoot you for this general.
Alice:  Sam, old friend, I should find such an angel of mercy.

[Harpoon and Fargo try to advise the acting president on how to react to the
  nuclear conflict]
Harpoon:  Use the pause...  Settle things down.
Fargo:  The best defence...  Cut off the head of the Soviet chicken.

[President talking of the incompetent acting president]
President:  We got Alice in one plane and the mad hatter in another.


# Caddyshack

Carl Spackler:  I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a
  few days.  Who's the gopher's ally.  His friends.  The harmless squirrel
  and the friendly rabbit.

Carl Spengler:  This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta
  nowhere.  Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters
  champion.

Ty Webb:  Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball.  You're not being the
  ball Danny.
Danny Noonan:  It's hard when you're talking like that.


# Cadillac Man

[Joe is trading insults with a photographer]
Joe:  You know what you are --- you're an ass-half...  Takes two of you to
  make an ass-whole.

Molly:  ...you have no respect for women.
Joe:  I guess dinner and a blow job's out of the question.
Molly:  I guess.
Joe:  We'll forget dinner...


# Cannonball Run, The

Fenderbaum:  We got a secret weapon.  God is our co-pilot!
Blake:  God is our co-pilot? Remember our car?
Fenderbaum:  Yeah?
Blake:  Two seats!
Fenderbaum:  Two seats...?
Blake:  Where's he gonna sit? Where?


# Casablanca

Yvonne:  Where were you last night?
Rick Blaine:  That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne:  Will I see you tonight?
Rick Blaine:  I never make plans that far ahead.

Rick Blaine:  So who are you really?  And what were you before?  And what
  did you do?  And what did you think?

Rick Blaine:  I came here for the waters.
Captain Louis Renault:  But Casablanca is in a desert.
Rick Blaine:  I was misinformed.

Rick Blaine:  Here's looking at you, kid.

Ugarte:  You despise me, don't you Rick?
Rick Blaine:  If I though about you I probably would.

Rick Blaine:  And remember, this gun is pointed straight at your heart.
Captain Louis Renault:  That is my least vulnerable spot.

[Ugarte sells exit visas]
Ugarte:  Rick, think of all the poor devils who cant meet the Renault's
  price.  I get it for them for half.  Is that so parasitic?
Rick Blaine:  I dont mind a parasite.  I object to a cut-rate one.

Senor Ferrari to Victor Lazlo: It would take a miracle to get you out of
  Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

[Of Victor Lazlo, who wants to escape from Casablanca]
Captain Louis Renault:  No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit
  visa ... or should I say two?
Rick Blaine:  Why two?
Captain Louis Renault:  He is travelling with a lady.
Rick Blaine:  He'll take one.
Captain Louis Renault:  I think not.  I have seen the lady.

Rick Blaine:  I stick my neck out for nobody.

[Speaking to the waiter about the gambling at Rick's]
Customer:  Are you sure this place is honest?
Carl:  Honest?  As honest as the day is long!

Capt. Renault:  I'm captain of my soul and master of my fate!
Croupier:  Captain Renault, Major Strasser wants to see you right away!
Rick Blaine:  You were saying???

Rick Blaine:  How can you close me up?  On what grounds?
Captain Louis Renault:  I'm shocked ... shocked to find that gambling is
  going on in here.
[A waiter hands Renault a pile of money]
Waiter:  Your winnings, sir.
Captain Louis Renault:  Oh thankyou.  Thankyou very much.  Everybody out at
  once!

[Just after he has watched Rick shoot Strasser, Renault gives orders to his
  police]
Captain Louis Renault:  Major Strasser has been shot.  Round up the usual
  suspects.

[When Rick congratulates Mr Laszlo for his work in the resistance]
Victor Lazlo:  I try my best.
Rick Blaine:  We all try but you succeed.

[When the pianist don't want to play the song]
Rick Blaine:  Play it Sam!

[Last line]
Rick Blaine:  Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful
  friendship.


# Cast a Deadly Spell (TV)

Bradbury:  If this is the future, I'll take vanilla.


# Citizen Kane

[First line]
Charles Foster Kane:  Rosebud...  Rosebud...

Charles Foster Kane:  I run a couple of newspapers.  What do you do?


# City Slickers

[First line (running through the streets in front of angry bulls,
  deliberately)]
Mitch Robbins:  Who's idea was this anyway???

Phil Berquist:  Where are you from?
Ben Jessup:  Baltimore.  We have a dental practice there.
Mitch Robbins:  Really, you're both dentists?
Steve Jessup:  Yes!  We're black AND we're dentists.  Let's not make an
  issue out of it.
Ben Jessup:  Eh, they're not making an issue of it.  You're making an issue
  of it.

Bonnie Rayburn:  Listen, it took a lot of courage to do what you did...
  Thank you.
Mitch Robbins:  I'm married.

[When Mitch are talking badly of someone]
Mitch:  He's right behind me, isn't he?

Curly:  I crap bigger than you!

[Ed Furillo accuses Mitch Robbins of flirting with Bonnie Rayburn]
Mitch Robbins:  I just said 'Hello'!
Ed Furillo:  That's not 'hello'.  That's 'Hi, I like your ass.  Can I use it
  as a hat?'.

Mitch Robbins:  Hi Curly.  Killed anyone today?
Curly:  The day ain't over yet...

[While Mitch Robbins is delivering the calf (Norman)]
Mitch Robbins:  You know, this was not in the brochure...

Phil Berquist:  You know you were right, Mitch.  My life is a "do-over".
  It's time to get started.
Mitch Robbins:  I hope I can help.
Ed Furillo:  Now I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna get Kim pregnant.
Mitch Robbins:  I hope I can help.


# City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold

[When Mitch are talking badly of someone (like in _City Slickers_ (qv)]
Mitch:  He's right behind me, isn't he?


# Cliffhanger

Gabe Walker:  I've been working up in Denver.
BASE Jumper #1:  "Work"?  Don't say that word man!
Evan:  Man, I hate work.  Even when somebody else is doing it.

[The jet is about to make an emergency landing after they screwed up]
Eric Qualen:  Don't bother to buckle up - you may not want to survive this.

Travers:  Tucker and Walker!  We're missing 3 bags.
Gabe Walker:  What's in them?
Travers:  None of your fucking business!
Eric Qualen:  Suits, socks, 100 million dollars - the usual stuff.

Eric Qualen:  Kill a few people, they call you a murderer.  Kill a million
  and you're a conqueror.

Eric Qualen:  Do you know what real loove is, Kristel?
Kristel:  No.
Eric Qualen shooting her:  Sacrifice.

Eric Qualen:  Love is a killer, isn't it?


# Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Brad Neary:  I don't understand these fractions.
Roy Neary:  What's one third of sixty?
Brad Neary:  That's a fraction, I don't understand them.
Roy Neary:  Alright, lets say that this box car is sixty feet long, OK?, and
  one third of it is across this switch here, alright...  And now another
  train is coming...  Now, how far do you have to move this box car so that
  the other train doesn't smash it?  Quickly Brad, there are thousands of
  lives at stake...  Brad any answer...
[CRASH]


# Closet Land

Torturer:  We are both seekers of truth and in this quest I am your friend,
  philosopher and guide.


# Cocktail

Brian Hanagan:  You're offering me a job?
Doug Coughlin:  Aha. [meaning yes]
Brian Hanagan:  The waitresses hate me!
Doug Coughlin:  You wait till you've given them crabs...  Then you'll really
  know hatred.


# Colors

Danny McGavin:  You don't wanna get laid, man.  It leads to kissing and
  pretty soon you gotta talk to 'em.


# Commando (1985)

Matrix:  I let him go.

Matrix:  I'll be back, Bennett!

Matrix after killing a man in the plane:  Don't disturb my friend, he's dead
  tired.


# Conan the Barbarian

Conan:  Crom, I have never prayed to you before.  I have no tongue for it.
  No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad.  Why we
  fought, and why we died.  All that matters is that today, two stood
  against many.  Valor pleases you, so grant me this one request.  Grant me
  revenge!  And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!

Valeria:  Do you want to live forever?

Thulsa Doom:  Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark.  Now they
  learn why they fear the night.

Subotai:  He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.

Mongol General:  Conan, what is good in life?
Conan:  To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the
  lamentations of the women.


# Contempt

Film Producer:  When I hear the word culture, I take out my checkbook.


# Coogan's Bluff

[Coogan is taking a bath, a busty woman is washing him, Coogan throws the
  soap, aiming for her cleavage, and misses]
Woman:  Need a bigger target?
Coogan:  There aint any in this county.


# Couch Trip, The

Hendricks:  He cares, that's the secret.  It's in his voice.  Do you know
  what that means to an advertiser.
Donald Becker:  Whoever wants the donuts without jelly, they're ready.


# Crimes of Passion

Wife:  Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the
  bathroom?
Bobby Grady:  No, she taught me not to piss on my fingers.


# Crow, The

Albrecht:  You, don't move!
Eric Draven:  I thought cops always said "Freeze!"
Albrecht:  Well, I say don't move.  Move and you're dead!
Eric Draven:  And I say I'm dead ... and I move...


# Dark Backward, The

Rosarita:  It's all over between the two of us.  I can't love a man with
  three hands.


# Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Rigby Reardon:  I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved
  the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.

Rigby Reardon:  Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble
  T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.


# Deep Red (1994)

Joe Keyes:  This is not a perfect world.  In a perfect world, evil loses.


# Dial M for Murder (1954)

Tony Wendice:  People don't commit murder on credit.

Tony Wendice:  Do you really believe in the perfect murder?


# Diamonds Are Forever

[Tiffany Case opened the door almost nude]
Tiffany Case:  I'll finish dressing.
James Bond as Feter Franks:  Oh please don't, not on my account.

Felix Leiter:  I give up.  I know the diamonds are in the body, but where?
James Bond:  Alimentary, my dear Leiter...

Driver:  The stiff, ehm, the deseased back there...  Your brother, Mr.
  Franks?
James Bond as Peter Franks:  Yes, it was.
Passenger:  I got a brother.
James Bond as Peter Franks:  Small world.

Plenty O'Toole:  Hi, I'm Plenty.
James Bond:  But of course you are...

[James Bond is lucky with the dices while gambling]
Plenty O'Toole:  You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts...

James Bond:  That's a nice little nothing you're almost wearing.

[Plenty O'Toole is thrown out of the window by some goons perhaps from the
  10th floor, and lands in the middle of the hotel's swimming pool]
James Bond looking down:  Exceptionally fine shot.
Goon:  I didn't know there was a pool down there.

[A couple of oil workers open a hatch down to the oil pipe, and James Bond
  comes up to their surprise]
James Bond:  Thank you very much.  I was just out walking my round and I
  seem to have lost my way...

James Bond:  Good morning, gentlemen.  ACME pollution inspection.  We're
  cleaning up the world, we thought this was a suitable starting point.


# Die Hard

Special Agent Johnson:  Figure we take out the terrorists. Lose 20-25% of
  the hostages.
Special Agent Johnson:  I can live with that.

Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robbins:  We're gonna need some more FBI
  guys I guess.


# Die Hard 2

[Just before John McClane recognizes Vito Lorenzo, the officer towing away
  his car earlier]
John McClane:  Excuse me officers.  This may sound like a wild goose-chase,
  but I think I just saw...
Vito Lorenzo:  Saw what???
John McClane:  Elvis.  Elvis Presley...

John McClane:  Oh man, I can't fucking believe this.  Another basement,
  another elevator.  How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice???

Grant:  You are the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time!
John McClane:  Story of my life.

John McClane:  I guess I was wrong about you.  You're not such an asshole
  after all.
Grant:  Oh, you were right about me.  I'm just your kind of asshole.

Grant:  Too bad, McClane.  I kind of liked you.
John McClane:  I got enough friends!

John McClane:  Yippie-ki-yeah, motherfucker!

Holly McClane:  They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
John McClane:  Yeah, I heard that too.


# Dirty Harry

[After a frantic gunfight, Harry has his gun trained on a crook who's lying
  on the ground, trying to decide whether to try and grab his shotgun]
Harry:  Aha!  I know what you're thinking...  Did I fire six shots or only
  five?  To tell you the truth, I forgot it myself in all this excitement.
  This here's a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and it
  can blow your head clean off.  Now, you must ask yourself one question:
  "Do I feel lucky?"  Well, do you, punk?

[Harry Callahan is being hassled for shooting a man without knowing for sure
  he was going to rape a woman in the park]
Harry Callahan:  When a man is chasing a woman in the park, naked with an
  butcher's knife in his hand, I don't think he'll be collecting for the Red
  Cross!


# Doctor and the Devils, The

Doctor Thomas Rock:  I set myself up as a God over death.


# Doctor Dolittle

Ploynesia the Parrot:  I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo
  and Unicorn.


# Doppelganger (1993)

[Elisabeth comments on how fast Patrick had begun sleeping with Holly when a
  guy comes out of her bedroom]
Patrick Highsmith:  What was that you were saying about 6 months of
  suffering?
Elisabeth:  OK, so I'm a slut, you're a slut, who wants coffee?


# Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The President:  You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!


# Dracula (1979)

Count Dracula:  Listen to them -- children of the night.  What music they
  make!


# Dragnet (1987)

[Last lines]
Friday:  Not that it's any of your business, Mr. National Enquirer, but I
  had the pleasure of spending a quiet evening in the company of Connie
  Swail.
Pep Streebek:  Wait a minute.  Connie Swail?  Don't you mean "The *Virgin*
  Connie Swail"?
[Friday turns his head slowly towards Pep Streebek]


# Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

Linda Emery:  A philosophy major?  Now, what can you do with a philosophy
  major?
Bruce Lee:  You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

[Bruce Lee in a wheelchair]
Vivian Emery:  How are you feeling, Mr. Lee?
Bruce Lee:  Oh, like half man, half car.


# Duellists, The

Armand D'Hubert:  I am going to be killed responsibly, on horseback, as a
  compliment to the cavalry.

Armand D'Hubert:  General Feraud has made occasional attempts to kill me.
  That does not give him the right to claim my acquaintance.

Armand D'Hubert:  We came here to kill each other.  Any ground is suitable
  for that.


# Easy Rider

George Hanson:  I mean it is real hard to be free when you are bought and
  sold in the market place.


# Empire Strikes Back, The

Han Solo:  Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a good bye kiss?
Princess Leia Organa:  I'd just as soon kiss a wookie!
Han Solo:  I can arrange that!  You could use a good kiss!

C-3PO:  R2 says that the chances of survival are 725 to 1.  Actually R2 has
  been known to make mistakes - from time to time...  Oh dear, oh dear...

Han Solo:  I thought this smelled bad on the outside!

Yoda:  Do...  Or do not.  There is no try.

Princess Leia Organa:  I'll be back!

Princess Leia Organa:  I love you.
Han Solo:  I know.


# Escape from New York

Bob Hauk:  I'm not a fool, Plissken!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  Call me Snake.

President:  God save me.

Bob Hauk:  Remember, once you're inside you're on your own.
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  Oh, you mean I can't count on you?  Good!

Girl in "Chock Full O'Nuts":  You're a cop!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  I'm an asshole...

The Duke:  They sent in their best man, and when we roam out the 69th street
  bridge tomorrow, on our way to freedom, we're going to have their best man
  leading the way --- from the neck up!

Brain:  They're savages, Mr. President.

Bob Hauk:  We'd make one hell of a team, Snake!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  The name's Plissken!

[Last line]
The President:  Good evening.  Although I shall not be present at this
  historic summit meeting, I present this in the hope that our great nations
  may learn to live in peace...


# Eve and the Handyman

The Woman:  My mind raced like a hot rod along the drag strip of
  inspiration.


# Evil Dead II

[Upon gaining the chain saw in place of his lost right hand]
Ash:  Groovy.


# Evil Dead, The

[Sharyn has been hacked into several pieces]
Ash:  We can't bury Sharyn.  She's our friend.


# Falling Down

Korean Shop Owner:  Take the money!
William "D-FENS" Foster:  You think I'm a thief?  You see, I'm not the
  thief.  I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a STINKING SODA!  You're the
  thief!  I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.

[William "D-FENS" Foster is sitting on a concrete ruin filled with grafitti,
  resting, and 2 non-american guys walk up to him saying he is trespassing]
William "D-FENS" Foster:  I didn't see any signs?
Dude #1 pointing at a graffiti skull:  What do you call that?
William "D-FENS" Foster:  Graffiti?
Dude #1:  No no, it's not fucking graffiti, that's a sign.
Dude #2:  You can't read it man.
Dude #1:  I'll read it for you.  It says this is fucking private property.
  No fucking trespassing.  That means fucking you.
William "D-FENS" Foster:  It says all that?
Dude #1:  Yeah.
William "D-FENS" Foster:  Well, if you maybe wrote in fucking English I
  would fucking understand you.

[William "D-FENS" Foster picks up the flat hamburger he jus ordered,
  comparing it to the picture behind the desk]
William "D-FENS" Foster:  Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this
  picture?

Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  Excuse me..  Hey, exCUSE ME!  I don't know if
  you have noticed it or not, but there are other people waiting to use the
  phone here.
William "D-FENS" Foster:  There are?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  Yeah!
William "D-FENS" Foster:  People want to use the phone?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  That's right, you selfish asshole!
William "D-FENS" Foster:  That's too bad.  You know what?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  What?
William "D-FENS" Foster firing a machine gun into the phone booth:  I think
  it's out of order.

William "D-FENS" Foster to The Golfer that is having a heart attack:  Yeah!
  And now you're gonna die, wearing that stupid little hat.  How does it
  feel?

William "D-FENS" Foster:  I'm the bad guy???  How did that happen?

Sergeant Prendergast:  Fuck you Captian Yardley.  Fuck you very much.


# Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Jeff Spicoli:  No shirt.  No shoes.  No dice.
Brad Hamilton:  Right.  Learn it, know it, live it.

Stacy Hamilton:  When a guy has an orgasm.  How much comes out?
Linda Barrett:  About a quart or so.

Jeff Spicoli:  So what this Jefferson dude was saying is: We left this
  England place because it was bogus.  If we don't get us some cool rules
  pronto, we'll just be bogus too.

Jeff Spicoli:  Relax, my old man is a TV repairman, he's got an ultimate set
  of tools.


# Father of the Bride (1991)

George Banks:  And don't forget to fasten your condoms!  ...Seatbelts, I
  mean seatbelts.


# Fearless

Laura Klein:  Why didn't you call and say you were alive?
Max Klein:  I thought I was dead.

Carla Rodrigo:  So what are you saying?  That there's no God, but there's
  you?


# Fearless Vampire Killers or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck, The

[A young woman tries to fend off Shagail, a Jewish Vampire, with a cross]
Shagail:  Boy have you got the wrong vampire.


# Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller:  I did have a test today.  That wasn't bullshit.  It's on
  European socialism.  I mean, really, what's the point?  I'm not European,
  I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist?
  They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact
  that I don't own a car.  Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that
  matter.  Isms in my opinion are not good.  A person should not believe in
  an ism - he should believe in himself.  I quote John Lennon:  "I don't
  believe in Beatles - I just believe in me".  A good point there.  Of
  course, he was the Walrus.  I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum
  rides off of people.

Ferris Bueller:  The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.
  It's a good non-specific symptom.  A lot of people'll tell you that a
  phony fever is a dead lock, but that can land you in a doctor's office,
  and that's worse than school.  What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp,
  and when you're bent over moaning and wailing, you lick your palms.  It's
  a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Ferris Bueller:  Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck
  a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.


# Field of Fire

Sgt. Duncan:  It's your life.  I can't teach you the bush over night.


# Final Analysis

[Isaac Barr and Alan Lowenthal are talking about Heather Evans before Alan
  Lowenthal has met her]
Alan Lowenthal:  I suppose now you're gonna tell me you have feelings for
  this woman?
Isaac Barr:  To tell you the truth I can't I can't stop thinking about
  her...
Alan Lowenthal:  Isaac, you know as well as I do that romantic love is a
  projection.  You're not seeing this woman
Isaac Barr:  Hehe, get out of here...
Alan Lowenthal:  It's a vision..  You're in a delusional state.
Isaac Barr:  It's not deliusional.
Alan Lowenthal:  Yes it is.  It's delusional.  There is no human being, no
  woman that's so beautiful - so special - that all of your normal thought
  patterns
[Heather Evans enters the room]
Alan Lowenthal:  Eh, can I help you?

Heather Evans:  Do you come out here a lot?
Isaac Barr:  No, just in moments of existential anxiety and when I want to
  impress a date.

Isaac Barr:  He thought I was from the justice department.  Is the dress
  that bad?


# Fish Called Wanda, A

Wanda Gershowitz:  You just wanted to get me into bed.
Archibald Leech:  I fell in love with you.
Wanda Gershowitz:  How come you dumped me then.
Archibald Leech:  I wasn't rich enough, remember.
Wanda Gershowitz:  Say something in Russian.
Archibald Leech:  No.

[Repeated line]
Otto:  Don't call me stupid.

Wanda Gershowitz:  I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses
  with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?


# Flatliners

[First line (first used in _Little Big Man_ (qv))]
Nelson:  Today is a good day to die...

Joe Hurley:  I don't know.  Not thinking about the past or the future.  I
  don't know it's difficult to explain, maybe impossible.
David Labraccio:  Yeah, dying is quite that way.

[This is an suix-indian war cry, meaning "Today is a good day to die"]
David Labraccio:  Hoka-hey

[Last Line]
Nelson:  It wasn't such a good day to die...


# Fletch

Fletch:  Did you steal this car?
Teenager:  I sure did!
Fletch:  Well, I'm not sure that's even a crime anymore, there've been a lot
  of changes in the law.

Fletch:  You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to loose a lot of those
  humanitarian awards.

Fletch:  ...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was
  opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just *whack* [mimes door
  hitting him in the face], blood...

Alan Stanwyck:  You do own rubber gloves?
Fletch:  I rent 'em.  I have a lease with an option to buy.

Fletch:  For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.

Pathologist:  Ever seen a liver like that?
Fletch:  No, not since breakfast.

Fletch to Barbara Stanwyck:  Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a
  water buffalo.

Fletch:  This doesn't involve me dressing up as Little-Bo-Peep, does it?

Fletch:  I would have been here sooner, but a manuer-spreadder jacknifed on
  the Santa Anna.  You should see my shoes.

[Fletch is being interrogated by Chief Karlin and is giving him attitude]
Chief Karlin:  What's your name?
Fletch:  Fletch.
Chief Karlin:  What's your full name?
Fletch:  Fletch F. Fletch.
Chief Karlin:  What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch:  I'm a shephard.
Chief Karlin:  Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch:  I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.

[Fletch is being framed for drug posession by two very large cops]
Fletch:  Aren't you gonna read me my rights?
Cop:  You have the right to remain silent.  You have the right to have your
  face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by
  him.
Fletch:  I think I'll waive my rights.


# Fly, The (1986)

[This is the originator of this quote]
Veronica "Ronnie" Quaife:  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.


# For Your Eyes Only

James Bond:  Now put your clothes back on, and I'll buy you an ice cream.


# Foreign Correspondent

Johnny Jones:  I'm in love with a girl, and I'm going to help hang her
  father.


# Forrest Gump

[Repeated line]
Forrest Gump:  Stupid is as stupid does.

[Repeated line]
Forrest's Mother:  Life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest.  You never
  know what you're gonna get.

Forrest Gump:  Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks.

Army Sergeant:  Gump, what is your sole purpose in this army?
Forrest Gump:  To do whatever you tell me, sir!
Army Sergeant:  Gump, you are a @#$%&! genius...


# Four Weddings and a Funeral

[Charles comes running after Carrie]
Charles:  Ehm, look.  Sorry, sorry.  I just, ehm, well, this is a very
  stupid question and..., particularly in view of our recent shopping
  excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously
  not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just
  wondered...  ehh.  I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a
  clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was
  still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you", and eh, I-I
  just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to...  Eh...  Eh...  No, no,
  no of course not...  I'm an idiot, he's not...  Excellent, excellent,
  fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb...
  Better get on...
Carrie:  That was very romantic...
Charles:  Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just
  right.


# Frenzy (1972)

[Last line]
Inspector Oxford:  Mr. Rusk, you're not wearing your tie.


# Freshman, The (1990)

Carmine Sabatini:  Everything I say, by definition, is a promise.


# Fugitive, The (1993)

U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  What are you doing?
Newman:  I'm thinking.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a
  chocolate doughnut with some little sprinkles on top, will you?

Cosmo Renfro:  When I die, I'm gonna come back just like you.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Oh, you mean happy and handsome?

Female Cop:  Care to revise your statement, Sir?
Prison Guard:  What?
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Do you want to change your bullshit story,
  Sir?

Dr. Richard Kimble:  I didn't kill my wife!
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  I don't care!

[Last line]
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Don't tell anybody, ok?


# Get Carter

Jack Carter:  You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like.
  Still the same.  Pissholes in the snow.

Jack Carter snaps fingers:  A pint of bitter ... In a straight glass!

Jack Carter:  You're a big man, but you're in bad shape.


# Getaway, The (1994)

Doc McCoy:  What happened to Hansen?
Rudy Travis:  He didn't make it...  And neither did you!


# Ghost Story (1981)

[Repeated line, including last]
Eva/Alma:  I will take you places you've never been.  I will show you things
  that you have never seen and I will see the life run out of you.


# Ghostbusters

Doctor Peter Venkman:  Back off man.  I'm a scientist.

Doctor Peter Venkman:  This chick is *toast*.

Doctor Peter Venkmann:  Egon, this reminds me of that time you tried to
  drill a hole in your head.
Doctor Egon Spengler:  That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Doctor Raymond Stantz:  Well, this is great.  If the ionization-rate is
  constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads...
  in a spiritual sense of course.

Dean Yeager:  This university will no longer continue any funding of any
  kind for your group's activities.
Doctor Peter Venkman:  But the kids love us!

Dr. Peter Venkmann:  Generally you don't see that kind of behaviour in major
  appliances.

Dana Barrett:  That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
Doctor Peter Venkman:  What a crime.

[Doctor Peter Venkman is opening the refrigerator door to look for ghosts]
Doctor Peter Venkman:  Oh my God!  Look at all the junk food.

Doctor Peter Venkman:  He slimed me!

Janine Melnitz:  Do you believe in UFOs, astralprojections, mental
  telepathy, ESP, clairvoiance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement,
  full transmedium, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddmore:  Ah, if there is a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe
  anything you tell me.

[The Gate Keeper, possessing Dana Barrett's body]
The Gate Keeper:  Do you want this body?
Doctor Peter Venkman:  Is this a trick question?

Winston Zeddmore:  Do you believe in God?
Doctor Raymond Stantz:  Never met him.

Winston Zeddmore:  Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!


# Gleaming the Cube

Brian Kelly:  I guess we all do unexpected things sometimes, don't we?

Brian Kelly:  Can I ask you something personal?
Tina Trac:  Sure...
Brian Kelly:  Where's the bathroom?


# Goldfinger

[A laser beam is slowly approaching a certain part of James Bond's body]
James Bond:  Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger:  No Mr. Bond!  I expect you to die!


# Gone with the Wind

Scarlett O'Hara:  Rhett...  If you go ... where shall I go?  What shall I
  do?
Rhett Butler:  Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

[Last line]
Scarlett O'Hara:  After all ... tomorrow is another day.


# Good Morning, Vietnam

Adrian Cronauer:  Mantovani?  They feed Mantovani to insomniacs who don't
  respond to strong drugs!

Adrian Cronauer:  Goooooooood morning, Vietnam!  Hey, this is not a test!
  This is rock and roll!  Time to rock it from the Delta to the D.M.Z.!

Lt. Steven Hauk:  Furthermore, you are to stick to playing normal modes of
  music, not weird stuff.  Those who we'd find acceptable here would include
  Lawrence Welk, Jim Nabors, Mantovani ...
Adrian Cronauer:  ... Percy Faith ...
Lt. Steven Hauk:  Percy Faith ... good! ... Andy Williams, Perry Como, and
  certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra.
Adrian Cronauer:  Would Bob Dylan be outta line?

[Lt. Steven Hauk uses Army jargon to refer to a press conference to be given
  by former Vice-President Nixon]
Adrian Cronauer:  Excuse me, sir.  Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P.,
  shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.?  Cause of the leaks to the V.C. he
  could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.

Edward Garlick: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off of a dead mans balls."  I
  have no idea what that means, but it seems very negative to me.


# Good Morning...and Goodbye!

Narrator:  Angel, a monument to unholy carnality, and a cesspool of marital
  pollution, a shameless, brazen, bulldozing female prepared to humiliate,
  provoke, and tantalize, savagely seeking the tranquilizer of unrestrained
  fulfillment.

Angel:  You read the profit and loss statements like a vulture, and you play
  the stock market like a fox, but you store your nuts away like a
  squirrel.


# Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, The

Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat" to (Clint Eastwood):  There are 2
  kinds of people in the world, my friend:  Those with a rope around the
  neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting...

[Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat" is sitting in a bathtub with a
  lot of foam and the One Armed Man enters the room]
One Armed Man:  I've been looking for you for 8 months.  Whenever I should
  have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you.  Now I find you in
  exactly the position that suits me.  I have lots of time to learn to shoot
  with my left.
[Tuco kills him with the gun he has hidden in the foam]
Tuco:  When you have to shoot - shoot, don't talk.

(Clint Eastwood) to Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat":  You see, in
  this world there's 2 kinds of people, my friend:  Those with loaded guns
  and those who dig.  You dig.


# Gotcha!

Sasha:  You must be Manolo.
Manolo:  You must be Sasha.
Johnathan:  You must be going.


# Grand Canyon (1991)

Davis:  We're talking about a religious experience here.  I might say 'doth'
  or 'thou' or a lot of things.

Davis:  All of life's riddles are answered in the movies.


# Groundhog Day

Rita:  Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil Connors:  No thank you.  I've seen Larry eat.

Phil Connnors:  So, did you sleep OK without me?  You tossed and turned,
  didn't you?
Rita:  You're incredible.
Phil Connors:  Who told you?

Phil Connors:  Do you ever have deja-vu Mrs Lancaster?
Mrs Lancaster:  I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen.

Phil Connors:  Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita:  I don't know.  Can you?

[It's Phil Connors' second Groundhog Day in a row, but the rest of the
  people seems to have completely forgotten yesterday]
Phil Connors:  Well, it's groundhog day...  again.

Phil Connors:  Well, what if there is no tomorrow?  There wasn't one toay!

Phil Connors:  Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita:  You never talk about work.

Phil Connors:  What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every
  day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph:  That sums it up for me.

[Phil Connors drives (because Ralph and Gus are drunk) right through a
  mailbox]
Gus:  Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.

Phil Connors:  It's the same things your whole life.  "Clean up your room!",
  "Stand up straight!", "Pick up your feet!", "Take it like a man!", "Be
  nice to your sister!", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever!".  Oh yeah?  "Don't
  drive on the railroad track!"
Gus:  Eh, Phil.  That's one I happen to agree with.

[Phil Connors is stopped by the police after some crazy driving]
Phil Connors:  Yeah, 3 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, 2 chocolate shakes and
  a one large coke.

Paino Teacher:  Not bad... Mr Connors, you say this is your first lesson?
Phil Connors:  Yes, but my father was a piano mover.

Rita:  Have you ever had deja-vu?
Phil Connors:  Didn't you just ask me that?

Rita:  What did you do today?
Phil connors:  All same-o same-o.

Felix's Wife:  Dr.  Connors.  I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back.
  He can even help around the house again.
Phil Connors:  I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.


# Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

[Last line and Spencer Tracy's last movie line]
Matt Drayton:  Well Tillie, when the hell are we going to get some dinner?


# Guilty as Sin

David Greenhill:  ..see people like us Miriam, we're ... we're warm; but
  she's a ... she's an attorney.


# Hard to Kill

Mason Storm:  This is for my wife.  Fuck you and die!


# Hard Way, The (1991)

Nick Lang:  Ever killed anybody?
John Moss:  Counting today?
Nick Lang:  C'mon John.  Look, my character kills this guy.  It's probably
  an innocent by-stander.  I just want to know what that's like.
John Moss:  You can't.  Not by asking someone.
Nick Lang:  Will you open up?  I just want to know what it feels like to be
  inside your skin.
John Moss:  I DON'T WANT YOU INSIDE MY SKIN, YOU UNDERSTAND?  It's private!
  What's in there belongs to me!  You're not gonna learn what it meas to be
  a cop by eating hot dogs and picking your teeth and asking stupid
  questions.  We live this job.  It's something we are, not something we do!
  Every time a cop walks up to a car and has to give a speeding ticket, he
  know he may have to kill someone or be killed himself.  That's not
  something you step into by strapping on a rubber gun and riding around all
  day.  You get to go back to your million dollar beach house and your
  bimbos and your blow jobs and you get 17 takes to get it right.  We get
  one take.  It lasts our whole lives.  We mess it up and we're dead.
Nick Lang picking up a tape recorder:  Fuck was that great!  John.  Look.
  Can you just say that one more time for me, please?  John.

[After being shot in the chest]
Nick Lang:  Oh man, this is too real....


# Harvey (1950)

Elwood P. Dowd:  My mother used to say to me, "Elwood" - she always called
  me Elwood - "Elwood, in this world you must be oh-so clever, or oh-so
  pleasant."  For years I was clever.  I'd recommend pleasant - and you may
  quote me.


# Heathers

Heather Chandler:  They all want me as a friend or a fuck.  I'm worshipped
  at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.

Veronica Sawyer:  This may seem like a really stupid question...
Jason Dean:  There *are* no stupid questions.
Veronica Sawyer:  You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on
  the earth and say they will blow it up in 2 days.  What do you do?
Jason Dean:  That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

Courtney:  If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless.  Every
  cent.
Veronica Sawyer:  You're beautiful.

Jason Dean:  The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Veronica Sawyer:  I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

Veronica Sawyer:  All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be
  experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad:  I don't patronize bunny rabbits!

Jason Dean:  Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is
  my locker combination.

Veronica Sawyer:  If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a
  human being.  You'd be a gameshow host.

Veronica Sawyer:  Heather, why are you such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke:  Because I can be.

Jason Dean:   Wanna go out tonight?  Catch a movie?  Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer:  I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather
  Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
Jason Dean:  Ah, now you're talking.  I can be up for that.  I've already
  started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you
  know what I mean?

Veronica Sawyer:  My teenage angst bullshit now has a bodycount.

Jason Dean:  The only place different social types can genuinely get along
  with each other is in heaven.

Veronica Sawyer:  Heather, my dear, there's a new sheriff in town.


# Hellbound

[Calvin Jackson is examining a body]
Calvin Jackson:  Oh shit!  His heart's gone!
[Frank Shatter reassuringly, pointing to a corner of the room]
Frank Shatter:  No it isn't.  It's right there...


# Hero (1992)

Bernie LaPlante:  You gotta look out for Goddamn number-one,
  pardon-the-vulgarity.

TV Exec(uncredited):  What a crock o' shit. Have you ever heared more
  bullshit or drivel coming from somebody who is not even the president?

Bernie LaPlante:  Prisons are for tough guys ... prisons are for guys who
  beat each other up, lift weights ... fuck each other.




# Highlander

[Just before the McLeod clan goes to war]
Kate:  Angus, you'll keep him in one piece, ya hear?
Dugal MacLeod:  And we all know what piece that is!

Ramirez:  Why does the sun come up, or are the stars just pinholes in the
  curtain of night?

Ramirez:  If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!

Candy:  Hi, I'm Candy.
Kurgan:  Of course you are...

Kurgan:  Forgive me father, I am a worm...

Kurgan:  It's better to burn out, than to fade away!

Kurgan:  So now it ends...

[Repeated line by Ramirez, The Kurgan and Connor MacLeod]
Connor MacLeod:  There can be only one!

[Looking at the body lying next to its head]
Garfield:  What do you think the cause of death was, Lieutenant?

Connor MacLeod:  You only have one life!  Value it!


# His Girl Friday

Walter Burns:  Look Hildy, I only acted like any husband that didn't want
  his home broken up.
Hildy Johnson:  What home?
Walter Burns:  "What home"???  Don't you remember the home I promised you?


# Hitcher, The

[John Ryder is being interrogated by the police]
Interrogation Sergeant:  What's your name?  Come on.  What's your name?  Do
  you have a name?  Do you have a police record?  Where are you from?
John Ryder:  Disneyland.


# Holiday (1938)

Johnny Case:  When I find myself in a position like this, I ask myself what
  would General Motors do?  ...and then I do the opposite!


# Hollywood Shuffle

The guy from the dirty Larry Clip:  What you say, honky sucker pig head jive
  turkey fool?

(Robert Townsend Robert Townsend):  I believe this movie.  A dude could jump
  off a mountain and not hurt himself, cause he did brace himself.  And knew
  something about the levels of gravitivity and polarity.


# Hook (1991)

Peter Banning:  I'm not a pirate!  It so happens that I am a lawyer.


# Hot Dog...The Movie

Race Official:  And now for the rules of the International, Chinese
  downhill:  There are none.


# How to Marry a Millionaire

[Referring to older men marrying young women]
Lauren Bacall:  Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at old fella
  what's his name in The African Queen.


# Hudson Hawk

Darwin Mayflower:  I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.



# Hunt for Red October, The

Jeffrey Pelt:  Listen; I'm a politician which means I'm a cheat and a liar,
  and when I'm not kissing babies I'm stealing their lollipops.  But ... it
  also means I keep my options open...

Captain:  What's his plan?
Jack Ryan:  His plan?
Captain:  Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan...

Captain on USS Dallas:  Central Intelligence Agency...  Now, there's a
  contradiction in terms.

Jack Ryan:  I'm not an agent, I just write books for the CIA.

Marko Ramius:  Ryan, be careful what you shoot at.  Most things in here
  don't react too well to bullets.


# I Love You to Death

Marlon:  If we're gonna waste the dude, we oughta get paid for it.  I mean,
  that's the American way, ain't it?


# I'm No Angel

(Mae West):  It's not the men in your life, it's the life in your men that
  counts.


# In the Line of Fire

Lilly Raines:  What makes you think he'll call back?
Frank Horrigan:  Oh, he'll call back.  He's got "panache".
Lilly Raines:  Panache?
Frank Horrigan:  Yeah, it means flamboyance.
Lilly Raines:  I know what it means.
Frank Horrigan:  Really?  I had to look it up...

Mitch Leary:  Watching the president, I couldn't help wondering why a man
  like you would risk his life to save a man like that.  You have such a
  strange job.  I can't decide if it's heroic or absurd.
Frank Horrigan:  Now, why would a man like you risk his life to kill a man
  like that?

Sam Campagna:  Frank, The President sent his limo for you.
Lilly Raines:  Well, that's the least he could do.
Frank Horrigan:  Good, I love public transportation.


# Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Indiana Jones:  I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up.

[Indiana Jones is asking Henry how he could've slept with Elsa]
Henry:  I'm as human as the next man.
Indiana Jones:  Dad, I was the next man!

[Henry, Indiana Jones, and Sallah are discussing why Henry calls Indy
  'Junior']
Indiana Jones:  I like 'Indiana'.
Henry:  We named the *dog* 'Indiana'.


# Into the Night

Ed Okin:  Are we under arrest or what?
FBI Agent:  I think you fall into the 'or what' category.


# It's a Wonderful Life

George Bailey:  You call this a happy family?  Why do we have to have all
  these kids?


# Jaws

Hooper:  This was no boating accident!

Brody:  It's only an island if you look at it from the water.

Hooper:  Mr. Vaughan, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine,
  er... an eating machine.  It's really a miracle of evolution.  All this
  machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that's all.


# Jerk, The

Navin R Johnson:  I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but
  to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.


# Johnny Dangerously

[Vermin is showing off a .357 Magnum to Johnny Dangerously]
Vermin:  See this gun, Johnny?  It shoots through schools.

Danny Vermin:  I got something to stop him.
Dutch:  They made it for him special.  It's an .88 Magnum
Danny Vermin:  It shoots through schools.

Ma Kelly:  The Lower East Side... this really sucks.

Ma Kelly:  I know what you can't say.  You wanna get laid.  You wanna hump
  your brains out.  Vavoom, vavoom, vavoom!!

Lil:  And shelf paper!  Oh, Johnny, I *love* shelf paper!


# Jurassic Park

Lex:  It's a UNIX system!  I know this!!!

Ian Malcolm:  God creates dinosaurs.  God destroys dinosaurs.  God creates
  man.  Man destroys God.  Man creates dinosaurs...
Dr. Ellie Sattler:  Dinosaurs destroys man.  Women rule the earth...

Ian Malcolm:  Oh no.  We're in the hands of engineers!

[After being chased by the T-Rex]
Ian Malcolm:  You think they'll have that on the tour?

Ian Malcolm:  Yes, John.  But when the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down,
  the pirates don't eat the tourists.


# Just One of the Guys

Terry:  You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.
Buddy:  No you don't!  The male body needs sex at all times!  It's a living
  hell!

[Buddy is trying to show Terry how to act like a guy by getting her to
  scratch her "balls".  She's not doing too good a job at it]
Terry:  Look, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy:  All balls itch!  It's a fact!

Terry:  I'm just so confused.
Buddy:  Of course you're confused.  You're wearing my underwear.


# Kelly's Heroes

[Oddball sees that the bridge he wants to cross is intact and is pleased
  with himself]
Oddball:  Still up!
[A plane flies over the bridge and bombs it.. direct hit]
Oddball:  No it ain't.

Oddball:  Arf arf arf...  That's my other dog impression.

[The heroes have found the bank with the gold,  but there is still one lone
  German Tiger Tank to be reckoned with.  Supply Sergeant Crapgame (a
  notorious hussler) makes the following suggestion to Infantry Sergeant Big
  Joe concerning the commander of the Tiger Tank]
Crapgame:  Try making a DEAL!
Big Joe:  What kind of DEAL?
Crapgame:  A DEAL, deal!  Maybe he's a Republican.  You know, "Business is
  Business".


# Kind Hearts and Coronets

[Louis Mazzini just murdered his relative, Lady Agatha D'Ascoyne, who was
  distributing suffragette literature from a balloon over London]
Louis Mazzini:  I shot an arrow in the air;  She fell to earth in Berkeley
  Square.


# Klondike Annie

(Mae West):  Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I never
  tried.


# Kuffs

George Kuffs:  I got women to do, places to see!

[At the Police Academy]
George Kuffs:  Why are we doing so much running?  Aren't we all going to be
  in cars?

George Kuffs:  I'm looking for a really big gun which holds a lot of
  bullets.
Gun Salesman:  God bless you, young man.
George Kuffs to the camera:  I always wanted a gun...
Gun Salesman:  Is this what you had in mind?  It's a 9mm beretta.  15 in the
  clip, 1 in the pipe.
George Kuffs:  Got one that holds more?
Gun Salesman:  No.
George Kuffs:  I'll take two.

Ted Bukovsky:  Next time shit before you sign in.  Shit!  Sign in!  In the
  car!
George Kuffs:  Am I gonna be tested on this later?

Ted Bukovsky:  Now, if I'm gonna be killed on the job, it's gonna be by a
  fucking bullet, not a fucking bus.  Now turn this fucking car around and
  let's get back on your fucking patrol.
George Kuffs:  You may have a limited vocabulary, Ted.
Ted Bukovsky:  Fuck you!

George Kuffs:  What can they possibly see in a man who dresses that
  badly???


# L.A. Story

[Harris and friends at lunch]
Harris' friend:  I'll have a decaf coffee.
Harris' friend:  I'll have a decaf espresso.
Harris' friend:  Do you have any decaffeinated coffee ice cream?
Harris:  I'll have a half double-decaf half-caf - with a twist of lemon.
Harris' friend:  I'll have a twist of lemon.
Harris' friend:  I'll have a twist of lemon.
Harris' friend:  I'll have a twist of lemon.

Road Sign:  There are more things n heaven and earth than are dreamt of n
  your philosophy.

[Repeated line]
Sara McDowel:  Let your mind go and your body will follow.

Harris K. Telemacher:  Ordinarily, I don't like to be around interesting
  people because it means I have to be interesting too.
Sara McDowel:  Are you saying I'm interesting?
Harris K. Telemacher:  All I'm saying is that, when I'm around you, I find
  myself showing off, which is the idiot's version of being interesting.

Bob:  Hi.  My name is Bob.  I'll be your robber.
Harris K. Telemacher hands him the money:  Hi, how are you?
Bob:  Thank you very much.

Harris:  There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a
  pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.

[Harris picks up the ringing phone]
Harris:  Hello, this is Harris.  I'm at home right now, so you can talk to
  me in person.  Please start talking at the beep.
[beep]

[Sara McDowel asks Harris when the right time for low, sustained, booming
  noises were in L.A.  We later find out she plays tuba]
Harris:  Ah - low, sustained, booming noises.  Nine, nine-fifteen.

Harris:  SanDeE*, your breasts - they feel strange.
SanDeE*:  Oh, that's 'cause they're real.

Harris to SanDeE*:  Well, thank you for a lovely lunch and enema.

Harris:  Well, maybe you think it's intellectual because you were raised
  with a banana and an innertube...  This is an intellectual-free zone.

Harris:  I could never be a woman.  If I were, I would do nothing but sit at
  home all day playing with my breasts.


# Lady Vanishes, The (1938)

Iris Henderson:  I've no regrets.  I've been everywhere and done everything.
  I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs.  I've played
  baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean.  What is there left
  for me but marriage?


# Lair of the White Worm, The

Lady Silvia Marsh:  To lose one parent may be reguarded as a misfortune.  To
  lose both looks like carelessness.


# Lassie Come Home

Lassie:  Woof woof woof woof woof.


# Last Action Hero

[First line]
Dekker:  This is one hell of a way to spend christmas...

[Jack Slater is Hamlet]
Hamlet:  Hey Claudius!  You killed my father!  Big mistake!
Narrator:  Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking
  out the trash.
Old Man:  Stay thee hand, fair prince.
Hamlet shooting him:  Who said I'm fair?
Narrator:  Noone is going to tell this sweet prince good night.
Hamlet:  To be or not to be?  Not to be.

Vivaldi:  What I'm saying is; Mr. Benedict can take you out as easy as
  cake.

[Danny Madigan is watching the bad guys on the screen]
Danny Madigan:  You are gonna pay...  Oooh, you gonna pay!

[Frank's last words]
Frank:  I'm out of here...

Jack Slater:  Who the hell are you?
Danny Madigan:  Don't shoot me.  I'm Danny Madigan.  I'm a kid.

Danny Madigan:  OK, I got one.  What about this girl right here.  She is way
  too attractive to be working in a video store.
Jack Slater:  I agree with you.  I think she should be working with us ...
  under cover of course...

Danny Madigan:  You think you are funny, don't you?
Jack Slater:  I know I am.  I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny Madigan:  Schwarzenegger!
Jack Slater:  Gesundheit.

Jack Slater:  Could I speak to the drugdealer of the house, please?

Jack Slater:  I'll be back!  Ha!  You didn't know I was gonna say that, did
  you?
Danny Madigan:  That's what you always say!
Jack Slater:  I do?

Jack Slater:  Kid!  Who does the doctor treat?
Danny Madigan:  Patients?
Jack Slater:  Look at the elbow of my jacket.  What is it doing?
Danny Madigan:  Wearing thin?
Jack Slater:  Bingo!

[Danny Madigan was just kissed by Whitney Slater]
Danny Madigan:  From now on it's all gonna be downhill...

Whitney Slater:  FREEZE!  Lose the guns or I redecorate in brain-matter
  grey, gottit?

Danny Madigan:  Chicken it is...

Danny Madigan:  ...I though I was going to die.
Jack Slater:  Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to
  enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne, shaving,
  premature ejaculation ... and your first divorce.

Jack Slater:  And Whitney!  Why can't she be like every other teenager.  For
  prom night she stayed home and field stripped an AK-47.

Vivaldi:  Mr. Torelli.  I hope it's alright with you I am here.  I don't
  wanna be no fourth wheel...

Vivaldi:  You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you
  always screwed it up.

Vivaldi:  What is this, Benedict!  First you are my friend, then you turn
  360 on me...

Benedict:  If God was a villain, he would have been me.

Nick:  There are lots of things worse than movies:  politicians, wars,
  forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, whorts, politicians...
Jack Slater:  You already mentioned them.
Nick:  I know I did.  They are twice as bad as anything else.

James Belushi:  I'm not really a big fan of Arnold's...  She is, you know...
  Arnold really turns her on and I just want to be there when it happens.


# Last Boy Scout, The

[Billy Cole's last line]
Billy Cole:  Ain't life a bitch?

[Joe Hallenbeck wakes up in his car and stares at his grubby reflection in
  the mirror]
Joe Hallenbeck:  Nobody likes you.  Everybody hates you.  You're gonna lose.
  Smile, you fuck.

Jimmy Dix:  Hi, you're nobody!
Joe Hallenbeck:  Shhh, don't tell anyone.

Joe Hallenbeck:  This ain't no game, "Flash"!  Real guns.  Real bullets.
  It's dangerous.
Jimmy Dix:  "Dangerous" is my middle name.
Joe Hallenbeck:  Mine is "Cornelius".

Milo:  You think you are so fucking cool, don't you?  You think you are so
  fucking cool.  But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain...
Joe Hallenbeck:  Play some rap music.


# Last of the Mohicans, The (1992)

Nathaniel Poe:  In case your aim is better than your judgment.

Hawkeye:  My Father says
Cora interupting:  Your Father?!
Hawkeye:  Chingachgook told me, "Don't try to understand them; and don't try
  to make them understand you.  For they are a breed apart and make no
  sense".


# Leap of Faith (1992)

Jonah Nightengale:  A twelve-gauge, double-barrelled, grenade-launcher of
  LOVE!

Jonas Nightengale:  Yakety Yak - God's talking back!


# Lethal Weapon

Man at the office:  You know, Roger, you are way behind the times.  The guys
  of the 80s aren't though.  They are sensitive people.  Show a little
  emotion to a woman and shit like that.  I think I'm an 80's...
Roger Murtaugh:  How do you figure?
Man at the office:  Last night I cried in bed.  So how is that?
Roger Murtaugh:  Were you with a woman?
Man at the office:  I was alone.  Why do you think I cried?
Roger Murtaugh:  Sounds like an 80's man to me...

[Repeated line all the way]
Roger Murtaugh:  I'm too old for this shit!

Roger Murtaugh:  God hates me, that's what it is...
Martin Riggs:  Hate him back!  It works for me...

Roger Murtaugh:  Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Martin Riggs:  I haven't killed you, have I?

Martin Riggs:  Perhaps there's an opening in the L.A. Fire Department?

[When Joshua is panting on the lawn after the title-fight]
Roger Murtaugh:  Get that shit off my lawn!


# Lethal Weapon 2

[After a wild car chase, the car looks like a wreck]
Roger Murtaugh:  This was a new car, Riggs...
Martin Riggs:  Well, it still is!

[After shooting 2 criminals with a nail gun]
Roger Murtaugh:  Nailed you both!


# Leviathan (1989)

Sixpack:  You know, I stood next to a guy who blew up his suit once.  I'll
  tell you, that was not a pretty sight.
Jones:  Leave DeJesus alone, man!
Sixpack:  One tiny little hole in a fucking toe of his suit, man.  No bigger
  than your dick.  Yeah, the way the ocean came in, the pressure just
  crammed his whole body up into his helmet.  We just buried his helmet.
  That would have been you, DeJesus.
DeJesus:  Hey, I know about implosions.
Sixpack:  Yeah, I bet you do.  I bet you were imploding in your pants.


# Lion in Winter, The

Philip II:  That's what tapestries are for.

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine:  You're not an assassin.
Richard:  Look again.

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine:  We could tangle spiders in the webs you weave.

King Henry II:  More Brandy wine?  They were boiling it in Ireland before
  the snakes left!

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine:  What family doesn't have its ups and downs?

Prince Geoffrey:  I know.  You know I know.  I know you know I know.  We
  know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it.  [smiles] We're a
  knowledgable family.


# Lion King, The

[Timon finds a grub in a rotten log and eats it]
Timon:  Slimy ... yet satisfying.


# Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

[Orin Scrivello, the sadistic dentist]
Orin Scrivello:  I thrill when I drill a bicuspid, it's swell though they
  tell me I'm mal-ad-just-ed.


# Lodger, The (1926)

Joe Betts:  When I've put a rope round the Avenger's neck, I'll put a ring
  around Daisy's finger.


# Mad Max

Fifi Macaffee:  People don't believe in heroes any more.


# Made in America

Hal Jackson:  Funny thing, sperm...


# Major League

[The Indians General Manager calls minor league coach Lou Brown at Tire
  World to offer him a position with the Indians]
General Manager:  How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
Lou Brown:  Gee, I don't know....
General Manager:  What do you mean?  This is your chance to manage in the
  big leagues.
Lou Brown:  Let me get back to you.  I got a guy on the other line asking
  about some white walls.

[Rookie pitcher Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn is about to throw the final pitch
  for the Indians in the playoff game]
Lou Brown:  Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater.


# Malice

Jed:  Bad things happen to good people all the time, Andy, for no reason
  what-so-ever...


# Man Who Would Be King, The

Peachy Carnehan:  Detriments you call us?  Detriments?  Well I want to
  remind you that it was detriments like us that built this bloody Empire
  AND the Izzat of the bloody Raj.  Hats on!

Peachy Carnehan:  Home to what?  A porters uniform outside a restaurant and
  six penny tips from belching civilians for closing cab doors on their
  blowzy women?
Daniel Dravot:  Not for us thank you.  Not after watching afghans come
  howling down out of the hills and taking battlefield command when all the
  officers bought it.
Peachy Carnehan:  Well said, brother Dravot.


# Manhattan

Isaac Davis:  My ex-wife left me for another woman.


# Manhunter (1986)

Will Graham:  I know that I'm not smarter than you.
Dr. Hannibal Lecktor:  Then how did you catch me?
Will Graham:  You had disadvantages.
Dr. Hannibal Lecktor:  What disadvantages?
Will Graham:  You're insane.


# Marked for Death

[John Hatcher just killed two of the bad guys and is chatting to his buddy]
John Hatcher:  One thought he was invisible, and the other thought he could
  fly.  They were both wrong.


# Maverick

[Just like in _Lethal Weapon_ (qv) and it's sequels]
Bank Robber:  I'm too old for this shit.


# Midnight Cowboy

Joe Buck:  I'll tell you the truth now, I ain't a f'real cowboy.  But I am
  one hell of a stud!

Joe Buck:  It just ain't right cheatin' from a pregnant lady.

Joe Buck:  John Wayne!  Are you tryin' to tell me he's a fag?


# Mirror Crack'd, The

Lola Brewster:  I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a better movie.


# Mississippi Burning

Rupert Anderson to Ward:  Don't you have the whole world to save???


# Mister Roberts

[Last line]
Ensign Pulver:  Captain, I just threw your palm tree overboard and what's
  all this crud about there being no movie tonight?


# Monolith

Tucker:  I got 3 rules; 1) Shit happens, 2) Shit happens on a regular basis
  and 3) You better get used to rule 1 and 2.


# Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Peasant 1:  Who's that there?
Peasant 2:  I don't know...  Must be a king...
Peasant 1:  Why?
Peasant 2:  He hasn't got shit all over him.

Arthur:  I am your king!
Woman:  Well I didn't vote for you!
Arthur:  You don't vote for kings.
Woman:  Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays...]
Arthur:  The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering silmite
  held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine
  providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.  THAT is why I am your
  king!
Dennis interrupting:  Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin'
  swords is no basis for a system of government!  Supreme executive power
  derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcicial aquatic
  ceremony!

Dennis:  Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just
  because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Dennis:  Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some
  moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Dennis:  Help!  Help!  I'm being oppressed!  Violence inherent in the
  system!  Violence inherent in the system!

Bedevere:  ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana
  shaped...
Arthur:  This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere.  Explain again how
  sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes...

Arthur:  On second thought, let's not go to Camelot.  It is a silly place.

Inge:  You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may
  deal with her as you like...  and then...  spank me!
All:  And me!  And me too!  And me!
Inge:  Yes!  Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!

Inge:  And after the spanking, the oral sex!
Galahad:  Well I could stay a bit longer...

Knight:  We are the Knights who say...  NI!

Knight 1:  We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2:  NI!
Other Knights:  Shh...
Knight 1:  We are now the Knights who say...  "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG!
  Zoom-Boing!  Z'nourrwringmm!"

King of Swamp Castle:  We live in a bloody swamp.  We need all the land we
  can get.
Prince Herbert:  But I don't like her.
King of Swamp Castle:  Don't like her?  What's wrong with her.  She's
  beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge ... tracts of land.

Dennis/Peasant in Autonomous Collective:  If I went around calling myself
  emperor simply because some watery tart lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd
  put me away.


# More the Merrier, The

Benjamin Dingle:  There are two kinds of people - those who don't do what
  they want to do so they write down in a diary about what they haven't done
  and those who are too busy to write about it 'cause they're out doing it!


# Muppet Movie, The

[Fozzie and Kermit pick up Gonzo and ask him what he wants to do with his
  life]
Gonzo:  I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.
Fozzie:  You don't go to Bombay, India to become a movie star!  You go where
  we're going:  Hollywood.
Gonzo:  Sure!  If you want to do it the easy way!


# Murder!

Handel Fane:  I assure you, Inspector, I'm not the other woman in this
  case.


# My Blue Heaven (1990)

[pickup-line]
Vincent Antonelli:  You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the
  frozen food section!
Shaldeen:  Why is that?
Vincent Antonelli:  Because you could melt all this stuff...

[Vincent Antonelli is questioned about the stolen goods in the trunk of the
  car he stole]
Hannah Stubbs:  The books...
Vincent Antonelli:  You have something against books?
Hannah Stubbs:  I have nothing about books!  I am curious about the books in
  your trunk.
Vincent Antonelli:  You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought
  this one on how to do it.
Hannah Stubbs:  Why do you need 25 copies of it?
Vincent Antonelli:  In case I want to read it more than once...

Vincent Antonelli:  Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small
  and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a
  barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning
  involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like pac man until you're
  dead.

[last line]
Vincent Antonelli:  You know, sometimes I even amaze myself.


# My Chauffeur

Cat Fight:  Look at that.  A blue woman with a blue dog.
Groupie 1:  She aint Blue.
Cat Fight:  Her hair is blue.
Groupie 2:  That counts.  A blue woman with a blue dog.
Groupie 3:  That's 20,000 points.
Groupie 1:  Now you've gotta get her panties.


# My Favorite Year

Benjy Stone:  I don't want to bring Alan Swann to your house, Ma!
Belle:  Well what are you ashamed of?
Benjy Stone:  Everything!

Benjy Stone:  Jews know two things in this world:  suffering, and where to
  get really great Chinese food.

[Alan Swann is panicking because he has to go on live television]
Alan Swann:  Damn you!  I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!

Alan Swann:  Alfredo, telephone the Stork Club - we'll be two for dinner.
Alfi Bambacelli:  Mr. Swann, are you sure you want the Stork Club?  Remember
  what happened last time?
Alan Swann:  It's been a year and a half.  Surely they've repaired the wall
  and the bandstand by now.

[Benjy Stone and a very drunken Alan Swann are up on a roof as Swann
  attempts to shimmy down the side of the building]
Benjy Stone:  Let's *not* do this - it's too dangerous!
Alan Swann:  Nonsense!  It worked perfectly well in "A Slight Case of
  Remorse"!
Benjy Stone:  That was a movie! This is real life!
Alan Swann:  What is the difference?

[King Kaiser is trying to hit on Alice Miller the writer]
King Kaiser:  You look real nice today, Alice.  Did you get those shoes I
  sent you?
Alice Miller:  Oh yeah.
King Kaiser:  Why did you send them back?
Alice Miller:  They were the wrong size.  And they were used.


# My Own Private Idaho

Mike Waters:  This is a nice home.  Do you live here? ... I don't blame
  you.

Mike Waters:  I've been tasting roads my whole life.

Scott Favor:  When you wake up, wipe the slugs off your face.  Be ready for
  a new day!


# Mystery Date

Geena:  We spend hours making ourselves look completely different, and then
  we go into some dark place where we really can't see each other anyway,
  and then we drink so we dont know if the other person is really
  interesting or just seems interesting cuz they're pretending to be
  interested in the person that we're pretending to be.
Tom:  Uh, right. So I guess there's no getting around it.  We're gonna have
  to lie to each other.


# Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear, The

Lt. Frank Drebin:  Nice party, Hapsburg...  I see a lot of familiar
  facelifts.

Quentin Hapsburg:  You do speak French don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin:  Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.

[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin:  Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer:  Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left
  handed now...  Frank, what are you trying to tell me?  That Quentin has
  somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that
  double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin:  Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I
  came up with.

[Hector Savage is in a house surrounded by armed police...  He makes his
  demands]
Hector Savage:  I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I
  want a plane ticket to Jamaica...  And I want a nice hotel, no touristy
  place...  Something really indicative of the people and their culture.

[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin:  ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used
  to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?

[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin:  I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank
  juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean,
  and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.

[Lt. Frank Drebin and Jane Spencer are standing next to a nuclear bomb which
  is about to explode]
Jane Spencer:  Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here
  with you.

Lt. Frank Drebin:  The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg?  Oh, sure maybe not
  as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing...

[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries]
Busty Female Shop Assistant:  Why should I tell you copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin:  Because I'm the last line of defense between sleeze like
  this and the decent people of this town.
[A male shop assistant appears from a storeroom.]
Assistant:  Oh hi Frank, say we got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck
  machine that you ordered.
Lt. Frank Drebin to the Female Assistant:  It's a gift.

[Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken try to analyze a case]
Frank Drebin: Why would anyone do this?
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: No, thanks, not now...


# Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult

[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance of the Award Ceremony place]
Frank Drebin:  Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Leutenant, Police Squad.
Guard:  Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin:  Mr. De Niro, we got to get inside.


# Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!, The

Frank Drebin:  Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on
  this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars.  Now, let's
  grab a bite to eat.

Frank Drebin:  Interesting...  Almost as interesting as the photographs I
  saw today.
Jane Spencer:  I was young.  I needed the work.

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank Drebin:  Hey!  The missing evidence in the Kelner case!  He really was
  innocent!
Ed Hocken:  Frank, Kelner went to the chair two years ago.
Frank Drebin: Well, uh......
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

[Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane Spencer]
Frank Drebin:  And I'll tell you one more thing:  I faked every orgasm!

Jane Spencer:  I wanted you to know, now, I've loved you since the first day
  I met you, and I'll never stop.  I'm a very lucky woman.
Frank Drebin:  So am I...


# Narrow Margin (1990)

[Flying through Canadian mountains]
Deputy District Attorney:  How come we're flying so low.
Cop:  We're not low, it's the ground that's high.


# Necromania

Shirley:  You nearly made me wet my nightgown, old boy.  It's new, too.


# Night and the City (1992)

Harry Fabian:  A toast.  To all of you...  to hell with you, to all of me!


# Night of the Comet

Younger Sister:  You were born with an asshole, Doris, you don't need
  Chuck.


# No Man's Land (1987)

[The car phone in the porche rings]
Benjy Taylor:  Hello?  No, Rick is not here.  Who am I?  The guy stealing
  Rick's car...


# North by Northwest

Roger O. Thornhill:  Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red
  herring.

Roger O. Thornhill:  I didn't realize you were an art collector.  I thought
  you only collected corpses.

Roger O. Thornhill:  The only performance that will satisfy you is when I
  play dead.
Phillip Vandamm:  Your very next role.  You'll be quite convincing, I assure
  you.

Roger O. Thornhill:  Now, what can a man do for twenty minutes with his
  clothes off?  Couldn't we have made it an hour?
Eve Kendall:  You could take a cold shower.


# Notorious (1946)

Alexander Sebastian:  I'm married to an American agent.

[Last line]
Eric Mathis:  Alex, will you come in, please.  I wish to talk to you.


# Odessa File, The

[Miller is trying to sell his editor on a story based on the diary]
Editor:  No one wants to read about Jews.
Miller:  They were GERMANS!
Editor:  They were German Jews.

# Oh, Mr Porter!

???:  Next train's gone.

Postman:  You're wasting your time.
Porter:  Well, what are you doing?
Postman:  Just watching you wasting your time.


# Oliver!

Boy:  Fagin, this sausage is moldy!
Fagin:  Shut up and drink your gin.


# On Deadly Ground

[Michael Jennings speaks about Forrest Taft]
Michael Jennings:  Search down deep in your soul and think of your worst
  nightmare...  And that won't even come close to him when he gets pissed.


# Paint Your Wagon

Ben Rumson:  There's two kinds of people, them goin' somewhere and them
  goin' nowhere.  And's that what's true.


# Palm Beach Story, The

"Weenie King":  I'm the Weenie King!  Invented the Texas Weenie!  Lay off
  'em, you'll live longer.

John D. Hackensacker III:  That's one of the greatest tragedies of this life
  -- that the men who are most in need of a beating up are always enormous.


# Paradine Case, The

Gay Keane:  Well, nice people don't go murdering other nice people.


# Pat and Mike

[Last lines]
Pat Pemberton:  What would happen if I ever dropped you?
Mike Conovan:  I'd go right down the drain.
Pat Pemberton:  And?
Mike Conovan:  I'd take you right down with me shorty.


# Patton

General George S. Patton Jr.:  Patriotism means making the other poor damned
  bastard die for his country before he can make you die for yours.


# People Under the Stairs, The

Fool:  That X-ray lady's back, she's out back right now by the van...  She's
  got a man with her the size of Detroit.

Fool:  Your father's one sick mother...  Actually your mother is one sick
  mother too.

Woman:  Never shoot your gun outside.
Man:  He got away!


# Perfect World, A

Terry Pugh on seeing the gun has no bullets:  Son of a bitch!  Hells bells -
  no shells.


# Pink Panther Strikes Again, The

Francois:  Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?
Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  The exploding kind.

[Suddenly the American football game is interrupted just before the end by
  Charles Dreyfus' transmission]
The President:  Call the FBI, the CIA and the Pentagon.  Find out who won
  that game!

Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  Does your dog bite?
Hotel Clerk:  No.
Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau bowing down to pet the dog:  Nice doggie.
[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]
Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  I thought you said your dog did not
  bite!
Hotel Clerk:  That is not my dog.

[Last line]
Jacques Clouseau:  Cato!  You imbesile!  Not now!


# Pink Panther, The

[Having made her tipsy with champagne, Sir Charles Lytton kisses Princess
  Dala]
Princess Dala:  If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.
Sir Charles Lytton:  No.  If you were your father, I doubt very much if I
  would have kissed you.

[At a costume ball, a police sergeant costumed as a zebra drinks from the
  punch bowl]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  Any more behaviour like this and I'll have your
  stripes!

[Inspector Jacques Clouseau bumps into a woman dressed as Cleopatra.  He
  hands back her rubber snake]
Woman:  Take your filthy hands off my asp!


# Pit and the Pendulum, The (1990) (V)

Francisco:  I'm sorry, mistress, that you weren't properly able to confess.
  There just wasn't enough time to torture you.
Esmeralda:  Thanks anyway.


# Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Neal Page:  Eh, look, I don't want to be rude, but I'm not much of a
  conversationalist, and I really want to finish this article, a friend of
  mine wrote it, so...
Del Griffith:  Don't let me stand in your way, please don't let me stand in
  your way.  The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying
  blabbremouth...  You know, nothing grinds my gears worse than some
  chauterhead that doesn't know when to keep his big tramp shut...  If you
  catch me running off with my mouth, just give me a poke on the chubbs...

[Waking up after sharing the same bed on the motel]
Neal Page:  Del...  Why did you kiss my ear?
Del Griffith:  Why are you holding my hand?
Neal Page:  Where are your other hand?
Del Griffith:  Between two pillows...
Neal Page:  Those AREN'T PILLOWS!!!

[Driving on the wrong side of the highway]
Neal Page:  He says we're going the wrong way...
Del Griffith:  Oh, he's drunk.  How would he know where we're going?

Police Officer:  What the hell are you driving here?
Del Griffith:  We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in a nick of
  time.
Police Officer:  Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del Griffith:  Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that.
  Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any
  degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.


# Planet of the Apes

[The first words ever spoken by a human to the apes]
George Taylor:  Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!


# Player, The

Larry Levy: I'll be there right after my AA meeting.
Griffin Mill: Oh Larry, I didn't realise you had a drinking problem.
Larry Levy: Well I don't really, but that's where all the deals are being
  made these days.

Andy Civelli:  Griffin, you move in mysterious ways, but I like it!  I like
  it!


# Point Break

[Johnny Utah and Bodhi just beat the hell out of 4 surfers]
Johnny Utah:  This is stimulating, but we're out of here.

Ben Harp:  Special agent Utah!  This is not some job, flipping burgers at
  the local drive-in!  Yes! - your surfboard bothers me!  Yes! - your
  approach to this whole damn case bothers me!  And yes! - YOU BOTHER ME!
  And Pappas!  Oh, for the love of Christ.  How the hell did I even let you
  talk me into this whole bone-headed idea to begin with.
Angelo Pappas:  Harp!  We are working under-cover.  It takes time.  We've
  produced a few...
Ben Harp:  NO! No no no no no no NO!  Let me tell you what you've
  produced...  Over the last two weeks, you two have produced exactly squat!
  SQUAT!  During which time the ex-presidents have robbed two more banks.
  Now for Christ's sake, does either one of you have anything even remotely
  interesting to tell me?
Johnny Utah:  I caught my first tube today...  Sir.

[Angelo Pappas is aiming the gun at a surfer]
Angelo Pappas:  Speak into the microphone, squid brain!

Angelo Pappas:  ...last time you had a feeling I had to kill a guy, and I
  hate that...  It looks bad on my report.

[After a long discussion about which parachute Johnny Utah should use]
Johnny Utah:  You gonna jump or jerk off?

Bodhi:  Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it?


# Predator

[They've just mowed down a football field's worth of jungle shooting at the
  Predator; all they find is a few drops of glow-in-the-dark alien blood.]

Dutch:  If it bleeds, we can kill it.

Dutch:  I'll be back!


# Prick Up Your Ears

Joe Orton:  I always wanted to be an orphan.  I could have, if it wasn't for
  my parents.


# Princess Bride, The

[NOTE:  The whole script is more or less quotable.  To avoid having the
  whole script here I consider this entry full]

[The Grandson, interrupting the story in a kissing-scene]
The Grandson:  Hold it, hold it!  What is this?  Are you trying to trick me?
  Where's the sports?  Is this a kissing-book???

Vizzini:  A word, my lady.  We are but poor, lost circus performers.  Is
  there a village nearby?
Buttercup:  There is nothing nearby...  Not for miles.
Vizzini:  Then there will be no one to hear you scream!

Inigo Montoya:  That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik:  Fuss, fuss...  I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya:  Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik:  He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya:  You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik:  Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini:  Enough of that!
Inigo Montoya:  Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik:  If there are, we all be dead!
Vizzini:  No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik:  Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini:  DYEEAAHHHHHH!!

[Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up]
Vizzini:  HE DIDN'T FALL?  INCONCEIVABLE!
Inigo Montoya:  You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you
  think it means.

Inigo Montoya:  I donna suppose you coulda speed things up??
Westley:  If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch
  or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya:  I could do that.  I have some rope up here, but I do not
  think you would accept my help, since I am only only waiting around to
  kill you.
Westley:  That does put a damper on our relationship.

Inigo Montoya:  I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to
  have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley:  Do you always begin conversations this way?

Inigo Montoya:  You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.
Westley:  You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.

Westley:  You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya:  Well I ought to be, after twenty years.

Inigo Montoya:  You are wonderful.
Westley:  I've worked hard to become so.

Inigo Montoya:  Who are you?
Westley:  Noone of consequence.
Inigo Montoya:  I must know...
Westley:  Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya:  'kay.

Vizzini:  Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet,
  because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was
  given.  I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in
  front of you.  But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would
  have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of
  me...

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong -- that's what's so funny!  I
  switched glasses when your back was turned!  Ha-ha, you fool!  You fell
  victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never
  get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less famous is
  this:  "Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line!".
  Hahahahahah!
[Vizzini falls over dead]

Buttercup:  You mock my pain!
Westley:  Life is pain!  Anyone who says different is trying to sell you
  something.

Buttercup:  We'll never survive!
Westley:  Nonsense!  you're only saying that because noone ever has...

Prince Humperdinck:  Surrender!
Westley:  You mean you wish to surrender to me?  Very well, I accept...

Count Rugen:  Get some rest.  If you haven't got your health, you haven't
  got anything.

Inigo Montoya:  Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those
  years?
Miracle Max:  The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for
  bringing up such a painful subject.  While you're at it, why don't you
  give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?  We're closed!

Miracle Max:  Get back, witch!
Valerie:  I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!  And after what you just said, I'm
  not even sure I want to be that any more!

Westley:  Give us the gate key.
Yellin:  I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya:  Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin:  Oh, you mean *this* gate key.

Inigo Montoya:  Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.
  Prepare to die.

[Repeated line, including the last]
The Grandfather:  As you wish.


# Prizzi's Honor

Charley Partana:  What kind of a person wouldn't catch a baby.
Mrs. Partana:  He wasn't paid to protect the baby.


# Professionals, The

[Last lines]
J.W. Grant:  You bastard.
Rico:  Yes sir.  In my case an accident of birth.  But you...  You're a
  self-made man.


# Psycho

Norman Bates:  I think I must have one of those faces you can't help
  believing.

Norman Bates:  She just goes a little mad sometimes.  We all go a little mad
  sometimes.  Haven't you?

Norman Bates:  I'm not capable of being fooled!  Not even by a woman.

Norman Bates:  Uh-uh, Mother-m-mother, uh, what is the phrase?  She isn't
  quite herself today.

Norman Bates:  She might have fooled me, but she didn't fool my mother.

Norman Bates:  Well, a son is a poor substitute for a lover.

Norman Bates:  She's as harmless as one of those stuffed birds.

Norman Bates:  A boy's best friend is his mother.


# Pump Up the Volume

Mark Hunter:  Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place
  does not necessarily make you screwed up.

Hard Harry:  Sometimes being a teenager is worse than being dead.

Marla Hunter:  We think you should see a psychiatrist.
Mark Hunter:  Is it that obvious?


# Raiders of the Lost Ark

Jock:  C'mon, show a little backbone, will ya?

Indiana Jones:  It's not the years honey, it's the mileage.

[Army Intelligence officer describing Indiana Jones]
Officer:  Professor of Archeology, expert on the occult, and how does one
  say it?  Obtainer of rare antiquities.

Indiana Jones:  You want to talk to God?  Let's go see him together, I've
  got nothing better to do!

Rene Belloq:  You and I are very much alike.  Archeology is our religion,
  yet we have both fallen from the pure faith.  Our methods have not
  differed as much as you pretend.  I am but a shadowy reflection of you.
  It would take only a nudge to make you like me.  To push you out of the
  light.
Indiana Jones:  Now you're getting nasty.

Sallah:  Indy, why does the floor move?
Indiana Jones:  Snakes ... why did it hafta be snakes?
Sallah:  Asps ... very dangerous.  You go first.

Indiana Jones:  This site also demonstrates one of the great dangers of
  archeology, not to life and limb, although that does sometimes take place,
  I'm talking about folklore.


# Rambling Rose

Rose:  I am only a human being person!

Daddy:  Put your damn tit back in your dress ... replace that tit!


# Raw Deal (1986)

Kaminski:  You should not drink and bake!


# Re-Animator

Herbert West:  Who's going to believe a talking head?  Get a job in a
  sideshow.

[Visiting the morgue]
Dan Cain:  What if we get caught?
Herbert West:  What'll they do?  Embalm us?

[Re-re-animating the dead cat in the basement]
Herbert West:  Don't expect it to tango; it has a broken back.

Herbert West:  I must say, Dr. Hill, I'm VERY disappointed in you.  You
  steal the secret of life and death, and here you are trysting with a
  bubble-headed coed.  You're not even a second-rate scientist!


# Real Genius

Old Lady:  Tell me, what's Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway:  Dead.

Chris Knight:  This?  This is ice.  This is what happens to water when it
  gets too cold.  This?  This is Kent.  This is what happens to people when
  they get too sexually frustrated.

[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in
  his head]
Mitch Taylor:  And from now on, stop playing with yourself!
Kent:  It is God!

Mitch Taylor:  The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight:  Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god
  robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women
  screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor:  No...
Chris Knight:  Why, am I the only one who has that dream?

Chris Knight:  If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what
  you want...  Well, that's where you're right.  But -- and I am only saying
  that because I care -- there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market
  that are just as tasty as the real thing.

Chris Knight:  Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?

Professor Hathaway:  What are you looking at?  You're laborers; you should
  be laboring.  That's what you get for not having an education.

Professor Hathaway:  Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch Taylor:  Uh, no sir, I think I intimidated most of them.

[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Cynthia, a beautiful woman he finds in
  Professor Hathaway's house]
Chris Knight:  So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the
  point, to you, you just let me know.
Cynthia:  Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight:  Not right now.
Cynthia:  A girl's gotta have her standards.
[She walks out]

Kent:  You're all a bunch of degenerates!
Chris Knight:  Oh, really?  Well, what about that time I found you naked
  with that bowl of jello?
Kent:  You did not!
Chris Knight:  This is true.
Kent:  Yeah, well I was hot and I was hungry!

Mitch Taylor:  Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight:  You've seen him too?
Mitch Taylor:  Who is he?
Chris Knight:  Hollyfeld.
Mitch Taylor:  Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight:  Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch Taylor:  To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there!
Chris Knight:  Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would
  never fit him!
Mitch Taylor:  Yeah...
Chris Knight:  Think before you ask these questions, Mitch!  Twenty points
  higher than me?  Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

Chris Knight:  Self-realization.  I was thinking of the immortal words of
  Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

# Real McCoy, The

[J.T. Barker comes out of the bank and is questioned what he was doing in
  there.  He said he was closing up his account]
Bad Guy:  What the hell are you gonna do with a 152 dollars?  We're taking
  18 God damn million dollars out of here on thursday!
J.T. Barker:  I know that.  I just don't wanna split *my* 152 dollars 4
  ways...

[Karen McCoy tries to fire the gun in a gunfight]
Karen McCoy:  You didn't load the gun?
J.T. Barker:  You told me to buy it, not to load it.

J.T. Barker:  Do you think that jerk Roy do a better job raising your boy
  than you?
Karen McCoy:  At least Roy is his father.  At least he has a chance of a
  normal life with him...
J.T. Barker:  Normal???  What's not normal about getting on an airplane with
  your mam and go down to Rio with 3 million bucks?

J.T. Barker:  How many of these creeps have you got in your life?


# Reality Bites

Lelaina Pierce:  So, uh, what religion are you?
Michael Grates:  I'm kind of a non-practicing Jew.
Lelaina Pierce:  That's okay. I'm a non-practicing virgin.

Vickie Miner:  And I think about dying of AIDS all the time. I even dream
  about it.  Only in my dreams, I'm not me:  I'm a character on "Melrose
  Place".  I'm the HIV/AIDS character.  I move into the building and teach
  everyone that it's okay to be close to me.  And then I die, and everyone
  shows up at my funeral, and they're all wearing halter tops and chokers.
[Vickie Miner starts to cry]
Lelaina Pierce:  Vicki, you do not have AIDS and you are *not* alone.
  Besides...  "Melrose Place" is a really good show!


# Rear Window

Stella:  A murderer would never parade his crime in front of an open
  window.


# Rebecca

Maxim De Winter:  I knew where Rebecca's body was, lying on that cabin floor
  at the bottom of the sea.
Mrs. de Winter:  How did you know, Max?
Maxim De Winter:  Because I put it there.


# Remains of the Day, The

James Stevens:  I don't believe a man can consider himself fully content
  until he has done all he can to be of service to his employer.


# Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins...

Chiun:  Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.

Chiun:  It would be better for you to eat this can than what's in it.

Remo Williams:  There are times when I really like you.
Chiun:  'Course!  I am Chiun!
Remo Williams:  ... and there are times when I want to kill you.
Chiun:  Good!  We will practice that after dinner...

Remo Williams:  You know, Chiun, you can be a real pain in the ass!
Chiun:  That is because it is the shortest route to your brain.


# Repo Man

Bud:  A repo man spends his life getting into tense situations.

Miller:  The life of a repo man is always intense.

Bud:  Normal fucking people -- I hate 'em!


# Reservoir Dogs

[Mr. White and Mr. Pink are washing up after the robbery went sour, trying
  to figure out what happened]
Mr. Pink:  You kill anybody?
Mr. White:  Couple of cops.
Mr. Pink:  No real people?
Mr. White:  Just cops.

Mr. Blonde:  Gee, that was really exciting.  I bet you're a big Lee Marvin
  fan, aren't you?


# Return of Swamp Thing, The

Swamp Thing:  Me?  Your Boyfriend?
Abby Arcane:  Why not?
Swamp Thing:  You said it yourself:  I'm a plant.
Abby Arcane:  That's ok, I'm a vegetarian.


# Return of the Jedi

Han Solo:  I think my eyes are getting better.  Instead of a big dark blur
  it's a big light blur.
Luke Skywalker:  There's nothing to see.  I used to live here you know.
Han Solo:  You gonna die here you know.  Convenient!

C3PO:  I do believe they think I am some kind of god.
Han Solo:  Well, why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of
  this?
C3PO:  I beg your pardon General Solo, but that just wouldn't be proper.
Han Solo:  Proper???
C3PO:  It's against my programming to impersonate a deity.


# Revenge of the Nerds

Lewis Scholnic:  Cause all jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever
  think about is sex.


# Revenge of the Pink Panther

[Philippe Douvier just set up a trap for Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau
  and "invited" him to it with a phone call]
Simone Le Gree:  That's so obvious, he's bound to think it's a trap...
Philippe Douvier:  Yes, or it's so obvious that he's bound to think it can't
  be a trap.
Cato:  It's so obvious, it's bound to be a trap.
Jacques Clouseau:  That is why you'll never be a great detective, Cato.
  It's so obvious that it could not possibly be a trap.

Jacques Clouseau:  Now, this time *I'm* going to stand on *your* shoulders!
Cato:  What good will that do?
Jacques Clouseau:  Because I'm taller than you are, you fool!


# Ride the High Country

Steve Judd:  All I want is to enter my house justified.


# Rising Sun

Web Smith:  Where are you from, "sempai"?  Scotland Yard?
John Connor:  Scotland Backyard.


# Risky Business (1983)

[Joel Goodson's parents are away for the weekend]
Miles:  Joel, you wanta know something?  Every now and then say: "What the
  fuck!".  "What the fuck!" gives you freedom.  Freedom brings opportunity.
  Opportunity makes your future.

Miles:  If you can't say it, you can't do it.

[Lana is the prostitute Joel has hired using an alias]
Lana:  Are you ready for me ... Ralph?

Joel Goodman:  I deal in human fulfillment.  I grossed over $8000 in one
  night.  Time of your life eh kid?

Joel's Mother:  Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the
  baby-sitter.


# Robin and Marian

[Robin Hood comes back from the Crusades]
Maid Marian:  You never wrote.
Robin Hood:  I don't know how.


# Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Azeem:  The hospitality in this country is as warm as the weather.

Sheriff of Nottingham:  Locksley, I'm gonna cut your heart out with a
  spoon.

Sheriff of Nottingham:  ...cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans,
  no more merciful beheadings...  And call off Christmas.

Sheriff of Nottingham to a wench:  You!  My room.  10:30 tonight.
Sheriff of Nottingham to another wench:  You!  10:45...  And bring a
  friend.

[Talking about how many men that are about to be ambushed]
Robin of Locksley:  How many?
Azeem:  20.
Robin of Locksley:  20?
Bull further away:  How many?
Robin of Locksley:  5!
Robin of Locksley to Azeem:  He can't count anyway.

Friar Tuck:  This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord
  intended a more divine means of consumption.  Let us give praise to our
  maker and glory to his bounty by learning about...  BEER!

Mortianna:  ...recruit the beasts that share our god.
Sheriff of Nottingham:  Animals?
Mortianna:  From the North!
Sheriff of Nottingham:  You mean..  CELTS!  They drink the blood of their
  dead.
Mortianna:  Yolk their strength.
Sheriff of Nottingham:  Hired thugs...  Ahh brilliant.


# Rocky (1976)

Adrian:  Why do you wanta fight?
Rocky Balboa:  Because I can't sing or dance.


# Rocky Horror Picture Show, The

Doctor Frank-N-Furter:  How do you do?  I see you've met my faithful
  handyman.


# Rope

Brandon:  The good Americans usually die young on the battlefield, don't
  they?  Well, the Davids of the world merely occupy space, which is why he
  was the perfect victim for the perfect crime.

Brandon:  We killed for the sake of danger and for the sake of killing.

Brandon:  Nobody commits murder just for the experience of committing it.
  Nobody except us.


# Roxanne

[Roxanne Kowalski is walking behind a hedge because she is nude]
Roxanne Kowalski:  Nobody had a coat?
C.D. Bayles:  You said you didn't want a coat...
Roxanne Kowalski:  Why would I not want a coat?
C.D. Bayles:  You said you didn't want a coat...
Roxanne Kowalski:  I was being ironic.
C.D. Bayles:  Oh, ironi!  Oh no no, we don't get that here.  See, people are
  skiing topless while smoking dope, so ironi is not really a high
  priority...  We haven't had any ironi here since about 83 when I was the
  only practicioner of it.  Was nice, but I was tired of being stared at.

C.D. Bayles:  Well, every job has its perfect tool...  Eh, this lock doesn't
  accept Master Card.

C.D. Bayles:  Fashionable:  You know you could de-emphasize your nose if you
  wore something larger...  like Wyoming!

C.D. Bayles:  Polite:  Would you mind not bobbing your head; the orchestra
  keeps changing the tempo.

Dixie:  Want anything?  A drink?
C.D. Bayles:  Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.


# Running Man, The (1987)

Ben Richards:  I'm not into politics.  I'm into survival.

[Damon Killian is talking to the operator on the telephone]
Damon Killian:  Hello, this is Killian.  Give me the Justice Department,
  Entertainment Division.

Ben Richards:  Now I'm gonna untie you, and then you're gonna get dressed,
  and then you're gonna come with me.
Amber:  Oh yeah?  But why should I?
Ben Richards:  Because I'm gonna say "please"...
[Arnold tears up the bench Amber is tied to from the floor it was bolted
  to]
Amber:  Well, why didn't you say so?

Ben Richards:  Killian!  I'll be back!
Damon Killian:  Only in a rerun.

Damon Killian:  You bastard!  Drop dead!
Ben Richards:  I don't do requests.


# S.O.B.

Miles, Sally:  I am going to show my boobies.  Are you here to see my
  boobies?


# Saint of Fort Washington, The

(Danny Glover):  Maybe you ain't schizofrenic.  Maybe you're just insane.


# Scent of a Woman (1992)

Colonel Roy Slade:  Don't shrug you imbecile, I'm blind!  Save the body
  language for the bimbae.


# School for Scoundrels

[last line. Mr S. Potter to the camera]
Mr S. Potter:  I do apologize ladies and gentlemen, events do seem to have
  taken a most unfortunate turn.  This sort of calamity we cannot always
  guard against, even amongst our best students.  You see once, once
  sincerity rears its ugly head, well lifemanship is powerless... [an
  orchestra starts to play] stop that music...  orchestra!...  orchestra...
  stop that infernal din.  Please, no, I...  look at me, I must get back to
  Yeovil.


# Scrooged

Frank "Lumpy" Cross:  I cant get these antlers attached to the mice.
Props man:  Try staples.


# Shadow of a Doubt (1993)

Charlie Oakley:  The whole world is a joke to me.


# Shining, The

Jack Torrance:  Wendy, darling light of my life, I'm not going to hurt you.
  I'm gonna kill you.


# Shopping

Billy:  I know my rights. I watch L.A.Law.
Police Inspector:  Is that supposed to be funny?
Billy:  No, more like comedy-drama.

Billy to Jo:  Oh shit, the police brought a f***ing transit van to a car
  chase.

Billy to Jo:  This is the 90s. Sex isn't safe any more.


# Shot in the Dark, A

Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  Facts, Hercule, ... facts!  Nothing matters but
  the facts.  Without them the science of criminal investigation is nothing
  more than a guessing game.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  You are forgetting the most important fact ...
  motive.

Hercule LaJoy:  He beat her.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  He was Spanish!
Hercule LaJoy:  He tore her dress off.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  Oh, don't be ridiculous ....  Would you kill
  someone who tore your dress off?

Maria Gambrelli:  Tell me ... why do so many men smoke afterwards?  No
  wonder tobacco companies get rich.

[Accusing a suspect, millionaire Benjamin Ballon]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  And I submit, Inspector Ballon, that you
  arrived home, found Miguel with Maria Gambrelli, and killed him in a writ
  of fealous jage!

Commissioner Charles Dreyfus:  Give me ten men like Clouseau and I could
  destroy the world.

[Arriving at Camp Sunshine]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  I am here on official business and I am looking
  for someone in the recreation area.
{@Turk Thrust: Not unless you take off your clothes ...
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  You, sir, are under arrest.
{@Turk Thrust:  Arrest?  What for?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  For making lewd and suggestive remarks to an
  official of the French government.
{@Turk Thrust:  Lewd and suggestive remarks?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  Also for indecent exposure ... doesn't anyone
  wear any clothes around here?
{@Turk Thrust:  No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  What!
{@Turk Thrust:  This is a nudist colony.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  There is something ... personal ... in this?
Commissioner Charles Dreyfus:  Yes ... deeply personal ... I hate you ...
  every little bit of you ....  Now get out!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  You want me to leave?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  Well ... that just goes to prove what I have
  said all along.
Commissioner Charles Dreyfus:  What you've said, Clouseau, qualifies you as
  the greatest prophet since Custer said he was going to surround all those
  Indians!

Commissioner Charles Dreyfus:  What about the maid?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  The maid?
Commissioner Charles Dreyfus:  Was he jealous of her too?  He strangled
  her.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau:  It is possible that his intended victim was a
  man and that he made a mistake.
Commissioner Charles Dreyfus:  Mistake?  ... in a nudist camp?


# Silence of the Lambs, The

Dr. Hannibal Lector:  A census taker once tried to test me...  I ate his
  liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Dr. Hannibal Lector:  I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old
  friend for dinner.


# Sixteen Candles

Long Duk Dong:  No more yankie my wankie.  The Donger need food.

Geek:  Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?

Grandmother:  And they are so perky.
Samantha:  I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up.


# Sleeper

[A 22nd century historian is showing Miles some artifacts from the late
  twentieth century to get more info on them.  The last item is a videotape
  of Howard Cosell describing a boxing match]
Historian:  We weren't sure at first what to make of this, but we developed
  a theory:  When people committed great crimes against the state, they were
  forced to watch this.
Miles Monroe:  Yes.  That's exactly what it was.


# Sleepless in Seattle

Jonah Baldwin:  Talk to her dad.  She's a doctor.
Samuel Baldwin:  Of what?  Her first name could be Doctor...

[The Taxi Driver takes Jonah to the Empire State Building]
Taxi Driver:  There it is.  What are you gonna do when you get up there?
  Spit off the top?


# So I Married an Axe Murderer

Charlie Mackenzie:  I think I'm dating Mrs. X!

Harriet Michaels:  What do you look for in a girl on your date?
Charlie Mackenzie:  I know everyone always say a sense of humour, but I
  really have to go with breast size...

Charlie Mackenzie:  Didn't i order the LARGE capuchino?

Stuart Mackenzie:  Would ya look at the size of that kid's head!!!  It's the
  size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system!!!  Look's like an
  orange on a toothpick!!!

Stuart Mackenzie:  I think I've been a bit hard on the lad, he's going to
  cry himself to bed tonight, on his HUGE pillow.

Stuart Mackenzie:  Let's get Pissed!!!

May Mackenzie:  You're a wee sexy little bastard, aren't ya!!!


# Some Girls

[After the telephone interrupts Michael and Gabriella's foreplay, Michael
  starts talking to his penis]
Michael:  I don't believe this.  Do you believe this?


# Some Kind of Wonderful

Keith Nelson:  You can't judge a book by its cover.
Watts:  Yeah, but you can tell how much it's gonna cost.

[In the lockerroom]
Girl:  I've just never seen a girl wearing boys underpants before.
Watts:  Have you ever seen a girl with a drumstick shoved up her nose?
Girl:  Oh, is that some kind of a threat?
Watts:  It's some kind of a warning.

Keith Nelson:  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I was so hard on you.
Watts:  Me too.
Keith Nellson:  You always hurt the ones you love.
Watts:  So when are you beating the shit out of Amanda Jones?


# Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama

Spider:  It's too bad we had to kill her.  I really liked the outfit she had
  on.


# Soul Man

Mark Watson:  Mom!  Dad!  There's something I got to tell you...  I'm
  black.


# Spaceballs

Dark Helmet:  I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short
  honeymoon.

Barf:  I know we need the money, but...
Lone Star:  Listen!  We're not just doing this for money...  We're doing it
  for a SHIT LOAD of money!
Barf:  Oh, you're right.  And when you're right, you're right.  And you -
  you're always right.

Dark Helmet:  What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?  CHICKEN???

[Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet and the Video Operator are watching
  _Spaceballs_ (qv), the movie]
Colonel Sandurz:  That's too early.  Prepare to fast-forward!
Video Operator:  Preparing to fast-forward!
Colonel Sandurz:  Fast-forward!
Video Operator:  Fast-forwarding, Sir!

Lone Star:  What the hell was that noise?
Dot Matrix:  That was my virgin-alarm.  It's programmed to go off before you
  do!

President Skroob:  Why didn't anyone tell me my ass was so big???

[After the self-destruction mechanism has been activated]
President Skroob:  Sandurz, Sandurz.  You got to help me.  I don't know what
  to do.  I can't make decisions.  I'm a president!

[When Lone Star and Barf stops on the outer space gas-station]
Waitress:  Ready to order?
Woman in Diner:  Yeah, we'll both have the lunafish.

[See _Alien (1979)_ (qv)]
Kane:  Oh no.  Not again!

Yogurt:  And may the schwartz be with you!


# Spellbound

Dr. Alex Brulov:  Women make the best psychoanalysts until they fall in
  love.  After that they make the best patients.


# Spies Like Us

[Emmett Fritz-Hume and Austin Millbarge are surrounded by Ninja warriors]
Austin Millbarge:  Show some balls, man!
Emmett Fritz-Hume:  I think it's too late to try and impress them.


# Splitting Heirs

Tommy Patel:  You don't have to worry about me, dear.  I'm "bi"-sexual.
  Whenever I want to have sex, I have to buy it.

Brittle:  Congratulations, Sir.
Henry Martin:  Eh, you can kiss ass later, Brittle.
Brittle:  Thank you, Sir.

Butler:  Drunk again, sir?
Henry Martin:  That's okay, butler.  So are we.

Adoption Agent:  She insisted that you were adopted by a member of the
  working class to save you from the curse of money.
Tommy Patel:  How very thoughtful...

Duchess Lucinda:  "Stop"?  You can't just arouse a woman and then yell
  "stop", even if you are English...

Police Officer:  We believe foul play was involved.
Tommy Patel:  Surely you don't think I...
Police Officer:  I don't think anything, sir.  I'm a police officer.

[After the moose-head falls down from the wall over Henry Martin]
Henry Martin:  Get me out of this moose!

Shadgrind:  So many of you orphans.  Unwanted children all over the place.
  People were sex-mad in the 60s, seemed to do it just for fun...  Weird.

Kitty:  That's Henry's mother, the black sheep in the family.  She took so
  many strokes in the 60s they called her the U.S. open.


# Stage Fright (1950)

Charlotte Inwood:  He was an abominable man.  Why do women marry abominable
  men?


# Stakeout

[Reading the police profile on Maria McGuire]
Bill Reimers:  And, the moment we've all been waiting for... 300 pounds.
Chris Lecce:  Three hundred pounds??!?
Bill Reimers:  I would imagine that's fully clothed.
Chris Lecce:  Oh my God, she could be the house! I hate this job!

[After watching the svelte Maria McGuire undress]
Bill Reimers:  To protect and to serve.
Chris Lecce:  Ooo, I love my job, I love it so much!
Bill Reimers:  But I would appreciate it if you would not act like a walking
  hard-on while we're on the job.
Chris Lecce:  Succinctly put.


# Stand by Me

Vern Tessio:  One food for the rest of my life?  That's easy.  Cherry pez.
  Cherry-flavored pez.  There's no doubt about it.

Vern Tessio:  Mighty Mouse versus Superman?  That's a tough one.


# Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Captain James Tiberius Kirk:  As we say back on Earth; c'est la vie...


# Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

She:  So you're from outer space...
Captain James Tiberius Kirk:  No, I'm from Iowa.  I only work in outer
  space.


# Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Spock:  Mr. Scott, I understand you are experiencing difficulties with the
  warp engines?
Scott:  There's nothing wrong with the bloody
Spock:  Mr. Scott, if the Enterprise responds to hails and returns to
  Starbase, there is a good chance that we will never see Captain Kirk or
  Doctor McCoy alive again.
Scott:  Could take weeks, sir...


# Star Wars

Princess Leia:  Help me Obi-wan Kenobi.  You're my only hope.

Han Solo:  You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
Luke Skywalker:  What a piece of junk!

Darth Vader:  I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Darth Vader:  Don't be so proud of this technological terror you've
  constructed.  The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the
  power of the force.

C3PO:  Oh listen to them R2.  They're dying.  Oh curse this metal body!  I
  wasn't fast enough.

Darth Vader:  I sense something.  A presence I haven't felt since...

Obi-wan Kenobi:  You must learn the ways of the force if you're to come with
  me to Alderaan.

C3PO:  Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!

C3PO:  We're doomed!

Han Solo:  Wonderful girl!  Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to
  like her.

Obi-wan:  Who's the more foolish?  The fool or the fool who follows him?

Han Solo:  Travelling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy.

Leia:  Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Han Solo:  Get in there you big furry oaf!  I don't care what you smell!

Han:  This isn't going to work.
Luke:  Why didn't you say so before?
Han:  I did say so before!

Darth Vader:  The Force is strong with this one.

Darth Vader:  Commander, tear this ship appart until you've found those
  plans.  And bring me the passengers, I want them alive!

Princess Leia:  Darth Vader, only you could be so bold.

Luke Skywalker:  But who would wanna slotter Jawas?

Han Solo:  Over my dead body!
Greedo:  That's the idea.  I've been looking forward to this for a long
  time.
Han Solo shoots Greedo under the table:  Yes, I BET you have.

[R2D2 and Chewbacca are playing the holographic game on Millennium Falcon]
Chewbacca:  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh
C3PO:  He made a fair move.  Screaming about it can't help it.
Han Solo:  Give it to him.  It's not wise to upset a wookie.
C3PO:  But Sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
Han Solo:  That's because droids don't pull peoples arms out of their
  sockets if they lose.  Wookies are known to do that.
C3PO:  I see your point, Sir.  I suggest a new strategy, R2...  Let the
  wookie win.

Han Solo:  Not a bad bit of rescuing.  You know, sometimes I amaze even
  myself.
Princess Leia Organa:  That doesn't seem too hard.

Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi:  May the force be with you!


# Strangers on a Train

[First Line]
Bruno Anthony:  I beg your pardon, but aren't you Guy Haines?

Bruno Anthony:  Don't worry, I'm not going to shoot you, Mr. Haines.  It
  might disturb mother.

Bruno Anthony:  I have a theory that you should do everything before you
  die.

Guy Haines:  I may be old-fashioned, but I thought murder was against the
  law.

Bruno Anthony:  Everyone has somebody that they want to put out of the way.
  Oh now, surely Madam, you're not going to tell me that there hasn't been a
  time that you didn't want to dispose of someone.  Your husband, for
  instance.


# Stripes

General Barnicke:  Where is your drill sergeant, men?
John Winger:  Blown up sir.

John Winger:  It's not the speed that's important, I just wish I hadn't
  drunk all that cough syrup this morning.


# Sullivan's Travels

The Girl:  I liked you better as a bum.
John Lloyd Sullivan:  I can't help what kind of people you like.

John Lloyd Sullivan:  There's a lot to be said for making people laugh.  Did
  you know that that's all some people have?


# Sunset Boulevard

Norma Desmond:  We didn't need dialogue.  We had *faces*.


# Survivors, The

Donald Quinelle:  What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees.


# Suspicion (1941)

[First line]
Johnnie Aysgarth:  Oh, I beg your pardon.  Was that your leg?  I had no idea
  we were going into a tunnel.  I thought the compartment was empty.

Johnnie Aysgarth:  If you're going to kill someone, do it simply.

Isobel Sedbusk:  I always think of my murderers as my heroes.


# Taxi Driver

Travis Bickle:  You talkin' to me?


# Ten Commandments, The (1956)

Nefertiti:  Oh Moses, Moses, you adorable, stubborn fool!


# Tequila Sunrise

Carlos:  Don't worry, buddy.  I won't kill her unless you approve.
McKussic:  And if I don't approve?
Carlos:  Then we'll talk until you do...


# Terminator 2: Judgment Day

The Terminator:  I need your clothes, boots and your motorcycle!
Cigar Biker:  You forgot to say please...

Dr. Silberman:  I'm sure it feels very real to you.
Sarah Connor:  On August 29th 1997 it's gonna feel pretty fucking real to
  you too.  Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad
  day...  Get it?

John Connor to The Terminator:  Now don't take this the wrong way, but
  you're a terminator, right?

John Connor:  You're not here to kill me - I figured out that for myself.
  So what's the deal?
Terminator:  My mission is to protect you.
John Connor:  Yeah?  Who sent you?
Terminator:  You did.  35 years from now you reprogrammed me to be your
  protector here - in this time.
John Connor:  This is deep...

[John connor is by a telephone booth, wanting to call home]
John Connor to Terminator:  You got a quarter?

John Connor:  Did you call *moi* a dipshit?

[Lewis, the Guard buys a cup of coffee, just before he is introduced to the
  T-1000 (As Lewis)]
Lewis, the Guard:  Hey, I got a full house!
Gwen:  That's good Lewis.
Lewis, the Guard:  Must be my lucky day...

[Terminator have promised not to kill anybody, but to get into the hospital
  he shoots the guard in his feet]
Terminator:  He'll live.

Dr. Silbermann:  You broke my arm!
Sarah Connor:  There's 215 bones in the human body.  That's one.

[Just like in _The Terminator_ (qv)]
The Terminator:  Come with me if you want to live!

Sarah Connor to The Terminator:  So, what's your story?

The Terminator:  Stay here, I'll be back!

T-1000:  Say...  That's a nice bike...

The Terminator:  Hasta la vista, baby!



# Terminator, The

Nat to The Terminator:  Wow!  Don't make me bust you up, man!

[Also in _Terminator 2: Judgment Day_ (qv)]
Kyle Reese:  Come with me if you want to live!

Kyle Reese:  Cyborgs don't feel pain...  I do.  Don't do that again.

Dr. Silbermann:  How are you supposed to get back?
Kyle Reese:  I can't.  Nobody gets home.  Nobody else comes through.  It's
  just him - and me.

The Terminator:  I'll be back!

[The Terminator is choosing from a list of programmed responses to get rid
  of someone knocking on his door]
Terminator:  Fuck you, asshole.


# Terror of Mechagodzilla

She:  Please kill me...  Mecha-Godzilla's brain is installed in my stomach.
He:  You may be a cyborg, but I still love you...


# Thelma & Louise

J.D. Tech:  You got an amazing story to tell your friends, if not you got a
  tag on your toe.

J.D. Tech:  Well now, I've always believed if done properly, armed robbery
  doesn't have to be a totally unpleasant experience.

Louise Sawyer:  You get what you settle for.


# They Came from Within

Forsythe:  He tells me that even old flesh is erotic flesh, that disease is
  the love of two alien kinds of creatures for each other, that even dying
  is an act of eroticism.


# They Died with Their Boots On

George Armstrong Custer:  We ride ... to hell.  Or to glory.  It depends on
  your point of view.


# They Live

Nada:  I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble
  gum.


# Thing From Another World, The

[Last line]
Reporter:  Watch the skies!  Keep watching the skies!


# Thing, The (1982)

Clark:  I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's big and pissed off
  whatever it is.

[Last line]
MacReady:  Why don't we just wait here for a while ... see what happens.


# Third Man, The

Harry Lime:  In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare,
  terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da
  Vinci, and the Renaissance.  In Switzerland they had brotherly love --
  they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce?  The
  cuckoo clock.


# This Is Spinal Tap

David St. Hubbins:  I'd probably feel a lot worse if I wasn't under such
  heavy sedation.

David St. Hubbins:  Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year - it's
  just not widely reported.

[Nigel Tufnel is proudly showing off his speakers]
Nigel Tufnel:  These go to 11.

Marty DiBergi:  Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel:  Well, its one louder isn't it?  Its not ten.

[Nigel Tufnel is showing Marty DiBergi one of his favorite guitars]
Nigel Tufnel:  The sustain, listen to it.
Marty DiBergi:  I don't hear anything.
Nigel Tufnel:  Well you would though, if it were playing.


# Three Amigos!

[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]
Dusty Bottoms:  What is it doing here?
Ned Nederlander:  I think it's a male plane.
Dusty Bottoms:  How can you tell?
Ned Nederlander:  Didn't you notice it's little balls?


# To Catch a Thief

Frances Stevens:  I've never caught a jewel thief before.  It's very
  stimulating.

John Robie:  You don't have to spend every day of your life proving your
  honesty, but I do.

[Last line]
Frances Stevens:  So this is where you live?  Oh, Mother will love it up
  here!


# Tombstone

[Doc Holliday is drunkenly playing a somber piece on the saloon piano, and a
  drunken Cowboy is harassing him to play something by Stephen Foster]
Cowboy:  Stephen Foster.  "Oh, Susannah", "Camptown Races".  Stephen
  stinking Foster.
Doc Holliday:  Ah, yes.  Well, this happens to be a nocturne.
Cowboy:  A which?
Doc Holliday:  You know, Frederic fucking Chopin.

Cowboy:  Why, it's the drunk piano player.  You're so drunk, you can't hit
  nothin'.  In fact, you're probably seeing double.
[Cowboy draws a knife, and Doc Holliday takes out a second gun]
Doc Holliday:  I have two guns, one for each of ya.

Doc Holliday:  It seems poker's just not your game, Ike.  I know...  Let's
  have a spelling contest!  [cracks up laughing]

Wyatt Earp:  Are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?

Wyatt Earp:  You tell him I'm coming!  And hell's coming with me!

Doc Holliday to Johnny Ringo:  Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just
  walked over your grave.

John Ringo:  I want your blood.  And I want your soul.  And I want them both
  right now!

Doc Holliday:  I'm your huckleberry.

[Wyatt Earp has just found out that the devil in a play was performed by a
  woman]
Wyatt Earp:  Well, I'll be damned.
Doc Holliday:  You may indeed, if you get lucky.

Doc Holliday:  I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Doc Holliday:  It's true, you are a good woman.  Then again, you may be the
  antichrist.


# Tootsie

[Michael Dorsey as Dorothy Michaels]
Dorothy Michaels:  What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls
  tits ... tips?


# Top Gun (1986)

Maverick:  She's lost that loving feeling.
Goose:  No, no she hasn't.
Maverick:  Oh, yes she has.
Goose:  I hate it when she does that.


# Top Secret! (1984)

German Officer on the telephone:  ...well, let me know if his condition
  improves.
German Officer to the people in the room:  ...he's dead.


# Total Recall

Douglas Quaid:  I'll be back!


# Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The

[This is the origination of this quote]
Gold Hat:  Badges?  We ain't got no badges.  We don't need no badges.  I
  don't have to show you any stinking badges.


# Tremors

Valentine McKee:  You see, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything
  right now.

Earl Bass:  Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long
  view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday....
  It is Monday right?

[Earl Bass and Valentine McKee are about to meet Rhonda LeBeck.  Valentine
  McKee pictures her]
Valentine McKee:  You will have; long blonde hair, big green eyes, world
  class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.

[Earl Bass and Valentine McKee have just been chased by a 30 feet long
  monster]
Rhonda LeBeck:  Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?

Valentine McKee:  This valley is just one long smorgasbord.

Earl Bass:  Damn it and listen to me, I'm older and I'm wiser.
Valentine McKee:  Yeah, well you're half right.

[Burt Gummer looks at the monster fought off with his "toys"]
Burt Gummer:  Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya!

[Burt Gummer looks at his bomb shelter for perhaps the last time]
Burt Gummer:  Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air
  filtration, water filtration, geiger counter.  Bomb shelter!
  Underground...  God damn monsters.


# Trouble with Harry, The

[Upon finding the Captain dragging a body along the ground]
Miss Graveley:  What seems to be the trouble, Captain?

[The Captain and Miss Graveley have afternoon tea together]
Captain:  A real handsome man's cup.
Miss Graveley:  It's been in the family for years.  My father always used it
  ... until he died.
Captain:  I trust he died peacefully.  Slipped away in the night?
Miss Graveley:  He was caught in a threshing machine.

[Referring to Harry Worp]
Jennifer Rogers:  He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was
  vertical.

Captain:  Marriage is a good way to spend the winter.


# True Lies

Mrs. Tasker:  Have you ever killed anyone?
Harry Tasker:  Yeah, but they were all bad.

[While launching a Harrier missile, from which Salim Abu Aziz is hanging]
Harry Tasker:  You're fired!

Harry Tasker:  There *is* no us, you psychotic bitch!

Gib:  Women.  Can't live with 'em.  Can't kill 'em!


# True Romance

Clarence Worley:  Something this last week has taught me; it's better to
  have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

Clifford Worley:  Who are you?
Vincenzo Coccotti:  I'm the Anti-Christ.  You get me in a vendetta kind of
  mood, you will tell the angels in heaven that you had never seen evil so
  singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you.
  My name is Vincenzo Coccotti.

[Don Vincenzo is complaining about how lousy Clifford Worley is to lie]
Vincenzo Coccotti:  Now, what we have got here is a little game of show and
  tell, and you don't wanna show me nothing and tell me everything.


# Turner & Hooch

Amos Reed:  Let him go, Hooch!  I'm sorry, Scott.  I don't have the
  hand-strength I used to.  You're OK, aren't you?
Scott Turner:  Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.  I was looking forward to a nice quiet
  cup of coffee, BUT NOW I'M AWAKE!

Emily Carson:  Well, it's a nice night, and I have to walk Camille.  Do you
  want to take a walk with me?
Scott Turner:  No.  No.  Well, you see, I'm starting to like you, and if
  we're going to walk I'm just going to like you even more, and then one day
  we might even end up in love and everything will go on fine for a while,
  but-but then one day *bang* you're gonna call me a selfish compulsive
  bachelor.  You gonna pull your hair, you gonna scream and you gonna say
  you never want to see me again because I drive you crazy, and I'm a lousy
  shot.  Now, who needs that?  Good night.


# Twins

Julius Benedict:  If you're lying, I'll be back!


# UHF

[George and Bob just got fired again]
Bob:  How could you do this to me?  I knew this was gonna happen!
George Newman:  You're right, Bob.  I'm sorry.  What can I say?  I-I'm a
  miserable worthless hunk of slime.  Here, I want you to take this crowbar
  and just bash my head right in.  Go ahead.  Really!  Just BASH my head
  right in!
Bob:  George, you know I can't do that.  You still owe me 5 bucks.

Bob: I don't know about this, George.  We don't know the first thing about
  what goes on in a television station.
George Newman:  Don't worry, Bob.  It's just like working in a fish-market.
  Except you don't have to clean and gut fish all day.

[In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial]
Sy Greenblum:  Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City.  I
  like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.

Stanley Spadowski:  George, you know I was wondering, like if you were
  traveling through outer space, I mean like you're going real fast, like
  the speed of light, you know ...hoooohhhhh... and all of a sudden you
  started screaming ...aaaahhhhh aaaaahhhhh...  Do you think your brain
  would blow up?
Bob:  Guys, I'm trying to work...  Do you mind?
Stanley Spadowski:  I don't mind.  Go right ahead...  Do you mind, George?

Stanley Spadowski:  "These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take
  it any more!"

[See _The Treasure of the Sierra Madre_ (qv)]
Raul Hernandez:  Badgers?  Badgers?  We don't need no stinking badgers!

R.J. Fletcher:  This is an embarrassment.  A disgrace.  What do you think
  R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today?
Richard Fletcher:  "Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here!  Help,
  let me out!"

Stanley Spadowski:  George?  What's the matter?
George Newman:  Stanley, you don't want to know.
Stanley Spadowski:  Huh?  Why did I ask?


# Under Siege (1992)

William Strannix:  Damn, I'm good.

Admiral Bates:  This is Admiral Bates speaking.  I am trying to get a hold
  of Chief Ryback.  Is he about?
Jordan Tate:  He is in a gunfight right now.  I'm gonna have to take a
  message.

William Strannix:  All my life, Saturday morning cartoons...  The best!


# Unforgiven (1992)

William Munny:  I've killed women and children.  I've killed just about
  every thing that walks or crawls.  And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill,
  for what you done to Ned.

[Little Bill Daggett is lying on the floor helpless as William Munny points
  Ned Logan's rifle at him]
Little Bill Daggett:  I don't deserve to die like this!  I was building a
  house!
William Munny shooting:  Deserve's got nothin' to do with it.

Kid:  Yeah, well, I guess he had it comin'.
William Munny:  We all got it comin', kid.


# Untouchables, The

Capone:  Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with him.

Jim Malone:  You wanna get Capone?  Here's how you get him.  He pulls a
  knife, you pull a gun.  He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send
  one of his to the morgue.  That's the Chicago way.  And that's how you get
  Capone!

[Last lines]
Reporter:  Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition.  What'll you do
  then?
Eliot Ness:  I think I'll have a drink.


# Up in Smoke (1978)

Mr. Stoner:  Why don't you go out and get a job, like that God damn
  Finkelstein shit kid!


# Up the Creek (1984)

Bob McGraw to Heather Merriweather:  No, thanks, I've been dressing myself
  for years.  And when this is over, and someone has won this damn thing,
  I'd like to think I can jump on you again sometime.

Bob McGraw:  I like a woman who's not afraid to play hard to get.
(Jennifer Runyon Jennifer Runyon):  I like a man who's not afraid to play
  hard.  You know something, Bob McGraw, you look a little warm.  Why don't
  you slip into something more comfortable.


# Vertigo

[First Line]
Cop:  Give me your hand.  Give me your hand.

John Fergusson:  You shouldn't keep souvenirs of a killing.  You shouldn't
  have been that sentimental.


# Voyage (1993) (TV)

[Talking about the Freeland couple they just met]
Catherine "Kit" Norvell:  You think she is attractive, don't you?
Morgan Norvell:  You think he is?
Catherine "Kit" Norvell:  Why do we always answer questions with questions?
Morgan Norvell:  How do you mean?


# Wall Street

Bud Fox:  Why do you need to wreck this company?
Gordon Gecco:  Because it's wreckable, all right!


# War of the Roses, The

[Finding out that they are going to get a divorce]
Oliver Rose:  And you better get yourself a damn good lawyer!
Barbara Rose:  Best your money can buy!

Gavin D'Amato:  Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never out-do a
  woman when it comes to love and revenge.

[Oliver Rose pees on the fish Barbara Rose had prepared for the guests]
Barbara Rose:  I would never humiliate you like this!
Oliver Rose:  You're not equipped to, honey.


# Wayne's World

Mikita's Manager, Glen to the camera:  I'd never done a crazy  thing in my
  life before that night.  Why is it that if a man kills another man in
  battle it's called heroic, yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion
  it's called murder.

Garth Algar:  That is a babe!  She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we
  used to climb the rope in gym-class.

[Talking about Claudia Schiffer]
Wayne Campbell:  She's a babe.
Garth Algar:  She's magically babelicious.
Wayne Campbell:  She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.

Benjamin:  First let me get this out of the way; I'm a big fan.
Garth Algar:  You are?
Benjamin:  The way I see it; your show is capable of so much more.
Garth Algar:  Well, we'll try harder, OK?  Just give us a second chance.
  Just don't go and cancel us without giving us a second chance!

[Instead of saying "Excuse me, I beg your pardon?" (also in _Wayne's World
  2_ (qv))]
Wayne Campbell:  Exsqueeze me?  Baking powder?

Benjamin:  Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell:  Yes!  Ahm, no.  We're between lawyers right now.  You see,
  our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar:  That's right.  I walked right to that office - that's what I
  did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and
  I  said "Listen man!  I'm not going to jail for YOU or for anybody!".

Terry:  Wayne!  Wayne!  Garth told me about the show, man.  I love you man.
Wayne Campbell:  Yea, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry:  No no no, I mean it man.  I LOVE you!
Wayne Campbell:  No, I-I mean it.  I love you.
Terry:  No you don't, man.  I love you.
Wayne Campbell being hugged by Terry:  Garth!  Hey, come over here, I think
  Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry:  I love you, man.
Garth Algar:  Thank you!

Russel:  It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cue.
Wayne Campbell:  Exscuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand
  job...

Benjamin Oliver:  So Garth, how do you like being in a studio?
Garth Algar:  Ahm, it's it's like a new pair of underwear, you know...  At
  first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.

[Wayne and Garth is lying on the hood of the merth-mobile, staring at the
  starlit sky]
Garth Algar:  Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone
  before ... but I'll probably stay in Aurora.  What are you thinking
  about?
Wayne Campbell:  Cassandra.  She's a fox.  In french she would be called "la
  renarde" and she would be hunted with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth Algar:  She's a babe.
Wayne Campbell:  She's a robo-babe.  In latin she would be called "babia
  majora".
Garth Algar:  If she were a president she would be Baberaham Lincoln.
[A brief pause]
Garth Algar:  Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress
  and played girl bunny?
Wayne Campbell cracks up laughing:  No...  No!
Garth Algar:  Neither did I.  I was just asking.

Mikita's Manager, Glen:  Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy:  Yeah, I got paid today.
Mikita's Manager, Glen:  Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy:  No.  You don't understand.  They laid me off.  I got one of these.
Mikita's Manager, Glen:  Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy:  Know what I'd like to do?
Mikita's Manager, Glen:  Yeah I know what you'd like to do.  You'd like to
  find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and
  hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he
  dies.
Davy:  Actually, I was thinking of filing a disagreement with the union.
Mikita's Manager, Glen:  Well, the world's a twisted place.

Mikita's Manager, Glen:  You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter,
  steam will rise up from the wounds.  Indians believed it was his soul
  escaping from his body.

Garth Algar:  OK ... First I'll access the secret military spy sattelite
  that is in geosynchronous orbit over Mid-West.  Then I'll ID the limo by
  the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position.  Then I'll
  reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17,32 degrees
  east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the
  aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137
  and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo...  It's almost too
  easy.

[See _Terminator 2: Judgment Day_ (qv)]
[Wayne Campbell is stopped by a traffic cop]
Wayne Campbell:  Yes, officer, is there a problem?
T-1000:  Have you seen this boy?

Cassandra:  I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before...
Benjamin Kane:  Oh, actually all champagne is French, it's named after the
  region.  Otherwise it's sparcling white wine.  Americans of course don't
  recognize the convention so it becomes that thing of calling all of their
  sparkling white champagne, even though by definition they're not.
Wayne Campbell:  Ah yes, it's a lot like _"Star Trek: The Next Generation"_
  (qv).  In many ways it's superior but will never be as recognized as the
  original.

Wayne and Garth to Alice Cooper:  We're not worthy!  We're not worthy!

Wayne Campbell:  I know I don't have his looks.  I know I don't have his
  money.  I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines.
  I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...

[See also the crazy-credits for quotes]


# Wayne's World 2

[Pickup-line]
Honey Horne:  So, would you like to have dinner one night?
Garth Algar:  Oh, I like to have dinner every night.

Honey Horne:  I bet you like to be in control...
Garth Algar:  Yes, like when I was 17, my sister wanted to loan my Def
  Leppard.  I said "No way!".

Honey Horne:  Take me, Garth!
Garth Algar:  Where?

[Instead of saying "Excuse me, I beg your pardon?" (also in _Wayne's World_
  (qv))]
Wayne Campbell:  Exsqueeze me?  A baking-powder?


# When Harry Met Sally...

Harry Burns:  No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive.  He
  always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright:  So you are saying that man can be friends with a woman he
  finds unattractive?
Harry Burns:  No, you pretty much want to nail them too.

Jess:  You made a woman meow?


# Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Jessica:  I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

Jessica:  I love you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit.


# Why Me? (1990)

Gus Cardinale:  Bruno, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
Bruno:  Don't worry, there's plenty of more where that came from...

Francis Mahoney:  What's the matter?  Did you get your face caught in a
  zipper?

[Gus Cardinale is hanging in a wire outside a skyscraper when two CIA agents
  appear at the roof]
CIA Agent:  Hey, don't try anything stupid down there.
Gus Cardinale:  What could be fucking stupider than this?


# Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?

Rita Marlowe:  I picked him up, I can pick him down.


# Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Willy Wonka:  No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by
  waterfall.

Willy Wonka:  Are the hell fires a-glowing?  Is the reaper a-mowing?  So the
  danger must be growing!

Willy Wonka:  Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, and not a drop to drink!

Willy Wonka:  If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have
  invented roller-skates.

Willy Wonka:  Everything inside is eatable, I mean edible, I mean everything
  can be eaten.

Willy Wonka:  So much time and so little to do ... strike that, reverse it.


# Witness (1985)

Rachel Lapp:  I just don't like my son spending all his time with a man who
  carries a gun and goes around whacking people.

John Book:  Whacking, I'm hell at whacking.

John Book:  How do I look - I mean, do I look Amish?


# Woman of the Year (1942)

[Last Line]
Sam Craig:  I've just launched Gerald.


# Working Girl

[When Cyn and Tess McGill are looking through Katherine Parker's wardrobe
  for a dress]
Cyn:  Six Thousand Dollars?  It's not even leather!


# Wrong Man, The (1957)

Lt. Bowers:  An innocent man has nothing to fear, remember that.


# Wrong Trousers, The

Wallace:  Cracking toast Gromit!

Wallace:  They're the wrong trousers Gromit, and they've gone wrong!


# Young Guns (1988)

Richard Brewer:  Papers can't do anything right.

"Dirty Steve" Stephens:  Did you guys see the size of that chicken?

Charley Bowdre:  Hey, Chavez, how come they ain't killing us?
"Dirty Steve" Stephens:  Because we're in the spirit world, asshole.  They
  can't see us.

William H. Bonney:  Reap the whirlwind, Brady!  Reap it!

William H. Bonney:  Trying to make it to mexico, that's the test of all
  tests.  I'm in.
Josiah G. Scurlock:  I'm really not liking him.

William H. Bonney:  If we're caught, we're gonna hang...  But there's many a
  slip twixt the cup and the lip.

William H. Bonney:  You know, Sir, I do admire you, and I sure would like to
  touch the gun that's gonna kill Billy the Kid.

William H. Bonney:  "Dear Governor Axtell.  I've heard that you will give
  200 dollars for my head.  Perhaps we should meet and talk.  I am at the
  Juarez village at the border.  Send 3 men, and instruct them not to shoot,
  as I am unarmed.  In short, Sir; I surrender.  Your obedient servant
  William H. Bonney.  PS:  I changed my mind.  Kiss my ass!"

Alex McSween:  I'm not leaving my house.
William H. Bonney:  Alex, if you stay they're gonna kill you.  And then I'm
  gonna have to to go around and kill all the guys who killed you.  That's a
  lot of killing.

[The "Regulators" are surronded by 20-30 men in Alex McSween's house]
Josiah G. "Doc" Scurlock:  Billy, what are we gonna do now?
William H. Bonney:  We're gonna show these guys they've finally met their
  match!

[When the cavalry arrives]
Josiah G. "Doc" Scurlock:  Billy, we're good, but this is getting
  ridiculous.
William H. Bonney:  I like these odds...

"Dirty Steve" Stephens:  Damn good riding with you, Chavez.
Jose Chavez Y Chavez:  Many nights, my friend...  Many nights I've put a
  blade to your throat while you were sleeping.  Glad I never killed you,
  Steve.  You're all right...


# Young Guns II

Charles Phalen:  William H. Bonney, heh?  Billy the Kid was shot and killed
  by Pat Garret.  Everybody knows that, it's common knowledge.
William H. Bonney (the Old):  There are other lawyers around, you piece of
  chicken shit.  Get back in the vehicle and drive before I make it 22 just
  for the hell of it.

[Last line a lot of people heard]
William H. Bonney:  Yoohoo.  I'll make you famous!

Doc Scurlock:  You son of a bitch!  You're starting to believe what they're
  writing about you, aren't you?  Let me tell you what you really are!  You
  rode a 14 year old boy straight to his grave, ant the rest of us straight
  to hell...  Straight to hell!  William H. Bonney!  You are NOT a god!
William H. Bonney:  Why don't you pull the trigger and find out?

Judge Bristol:  ...and there be hanged by the neck till he be dead, dead,
  dead.  Now, do you have anything to say, young man?
William H. Bonney:  Yes I do, your Honor.  You can go to hell, hell, hell.

William H. Bonney:  "Buckshot George", that's your name.  You wanted a name,
  that's it.  "Buckshot George".  It's a good name.
Hendry French:  My name is Hendry William French.
William H. Bonney:  That's a good name too.

Tom O'Tolliard:  What's scum?
William H. Bonney:  Well Tom, that's bad types.  Politicians, bankers,
  cattle-kings...  Scum...


# Zelig

[Leonard Zelig is apologizing on radio to all the people he misrepresented
  himself to]
Leonard Zelig:  I especially want to apologize to the Trochman family in
  Detroit..... I never delivered a baby before, and I just thought that ice
  tongs were the way to do it.


# Zulu

Private:  Why us?  Why does it have to be us?
Sergeant:  Because we're here lad.

Reverend Otto Witt:  1,000 British soldiers have been massacred.  While I
  stood here talking peace, a war has started.

Private Henry Hook:  Rourke's Drift...  It'd take an Irishman to give his
  name to a rotten stinking middle o' nowhere hole like this.

Lieutenant John Chard:  What's our strength?
Lieutenant Gonville Bromhead:  7 officers including surgeon, commercaries
  and so on, Ardndorff now I suppose, wounded and sick 36, fit for duty 97
  and about 40 native levies. Not much of an army for you.

Reverend Otto Witt:  There are 4,000 Zulus coming against you, you must
  abandon this mission.

Lieutenant Gonville Bromhead:  Damn the levies man...  Cowardly blacks!
Ardndorff:  What the hell do you mean "cowardly blacks"?  They died on your
  side didn't they?  And who the hell do you think is coming to wipe out
  your little command?  The Grenadier Guards?

Lieutenant Gonville Bromhead:  60!, we got at least 60 wouldn't you say?
Ardndorff:  That leaves only 3,940.

Colour Sergeant Bourne:  It's a miracle.
Lieutenant John Chard:  If it's a miracle Colour Sergeant, it's a short
  chamber Boxer Henry, point 4-5 caliber miracle.
Colour Sergeant Bourne:  And a bayonet sir, with some guts behind.



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